Today I wake up thinking of all the times when we were together that he was so kind, and loving. How hard he tried to please me, almost like a little kid at first. The things he built for me.
It's all a jumble. What has been real? Was the twisting, manipulation so bad? Perhaps he was right and he didn't mean to do what he did that night.
I feel the anger in me subsiding for the way he set it up, the things he said to me afterward.
My friend read the letter exchange Znd said, basically it was a summary of why we are here, what his actions and behaviors looked like to me, why I pushed for him to finish it (in case he was really upset and confused.) she said an intellectual man might read it and realize the door is cracked but he is an idiot, so if have to lay it down straighter:
"If you want to address the behavior, offer is as its always been, I will stand for our marriage. The judge will ask if you think counseling could help."
I just don't see what good it will do. I deserve to be with a man who is f yes about me, and my STBX hasn't bern that way for a year or so. I'm not perfect, but I did all I could. And so I wonder if sending him one more will allow me to really feel I did. I just can't imagine chasing him after what he did and what I can expect to change in long run.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
