I have been with my wife for 23 years married for 18. We have a child together 17 and a child that was 4 when we started dating that is my child but not biologically.
I lost my job and have not gotten completely back on my feet. I was out of work for over 18 months. I have paid all the bills and have kept everything going by using my 401K. In January my wife's father became ill and she went home 500 miles away to be with him while I worked (short term job)and stayed with my daughter while she was in school. My wife was in her hometown for a month. She became close to a female friend and her brother because their father was dying as well. My father in law died and my wife stayed a few days longer than the kids and I. When my wife got home she would go to bed at 8:00pm. I told her I was here for her and wanted to provide support but I thought she just needed her time alone. At one point she told me that her friend (the male one) was coming to a nearby town and she was gonna go see him. I was not jealious until she was with him longer that I thought she should have. Long story short after another trip home in March I did some checking and she had been texting the guy over 2000 time per month and the girl almost as much. When I confronted her things went downhill and not 3 months into this she has told me it is over. But then tells a mutual friend that she doesn't know if we can work it out when the friend asked her. I have done a lot of the things that you are not supposed to do, cry, beg, plead. But I have also gotten mad and told her to get the (blank) out of my house. We are still sleeping in the same bed but we barely talk. She will try to bait me into an arguement. My 26 year old daughter told her that until she is through with the guy she is through with her. They have not talked in 6 weeks and of course that is my fault. The best thing about this is my daughter and I have become so close.
I just hate that she blames me because as my daughter says I have a mind of my own.
Last edited by Cadet; 07/07/1506:51 PM. Reason: Carriage returns for read a ability
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
I am currently working out of state. my wife never asked me what city I was working in but she has text me with stupid questions like why was there only a half a tank of gas in her car after my daughter took me to the airport. It was full when we left.
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Welcome Mavrik. Make sure you read through all the material Cadet posted. It is extremely helpful. Maybe you should consider sleeping in a different room. Make sure that you do NOT leave the house if it comes to that. You must detach from her and stop pursuing. Work on doing some 180's. Do you think that the EA has turned into a PA with this guy? Do not get into arguments with her and if she tries to bait you, just walk away. That is a rough position to be in with your daughter. Keep posting!
Me: 33 W: 30 T - 12 M - 3 K - 0 BD - 6/14/15 Moved out - 6/14/15
I don't believe that the EA has turned PA. Its good that they live 500 miles apart. That makes it difficult to turn into PA. My daughter had her phone stolen yesterday and she called me and we talked about the incident. My wife text me this morning asking if I could try to track the phone to find it. She text me, "I hope you are having a great time." Confusing because I am working out of state but there is time to have fun as well. Not sure if it is jealously or what. Been gone for a week and she has text me 3 of the 4 days I have been gone. Still hasn't asked what city I am working in. I Believe that She is in MLC that was spurred on by her father's death. i have been doing some 180. She has baited me into arguements but I now respond and no react to her.
That is the same kind of response I get from my wife. She is bursting with positivity now that she has moved out of our house. "I hope you are having a great time! That is awesome! That is so wonderful!" Of course, most of our contact is through texting. It is almost like she is trying too hard to present herself how happy she is.
Me: 33 W: 30 T - 12 M - 3 K - 0 BD - 6/14/15 Moved out - 6/14/15
I know that my wife talked to a friend who actually knew where I am right now. My wife told her that she did not know where I was. When the friend told her she knew, my wife said, "Where is he?" I hope that is a good sign that she still cares. I have not called her all week. Only texted her back when she text me first.
I guess Im doing ok. Working out of town. Will be here for another week. I decided when I left I would not contact my wife text or telephone. The first week I got 3 texts from her. 1. Wanted to confirm she had a full tank of gas when my daughter took me to the airport and why does she now only have a half a tank. (I DON'T KNOW). 2. Wanted to know if I was having problems with lawn mower blade engaging. 3. Was about my daughter's phone being stolen even though she says I know you have already talked to her about the phone. Then she tells me "Hope you are having a great time." Then today she text me to ask if I am going to a softball tournament with my daughter. Told her I would be there for a few days. I asked her if she was going she said she couldn't get that much time off. Asked if I was going back out of state because she was trying to make some plans. I want to know what she is planning but I told her I'm not sure. She then asks if water bill was paid. I said yes and she says thanks. Then She says have a great week. I tell her to do the same and I was gonna try to go out to dinner with a high school friend. Then she tells me. Have fun, relax and enjoy. I don't understand what that means. I really don't think she knows what she wants. I do know she is still texting the OM. It is a long distance text and call EA.I'm still being distant from her and giving very consise answers.
