Walk away wife and my journey

[ATPeace]

Sandi2 you are correct on so many different levels

All I know is what I am doing right now is not working

She has just been out clubbing the once so far and she asked a close male,friend to come along to keep the men away .. The chap that she asked to go with her and her friends is a close friend and we have both know him for many many years he is our children's god father and he and his wife are very happily married. She sees him as a brother and I do know this for sure.

With my actions I do not want to push her away or for her to go down the path way of selling our family hoe and buying 2 lesser properties

One of the things she told me that led to the breakup was Me not doing enough arround the house

But,as I say things are not working right now

Will post again in the morning,need to really think what it is I need to be doing right now

Many thanks
Gary

[shnswms]

Remember the rule "Believe none of what she says, and half of what she does". She is also going out clubbing and gave me the line "she doesn't want any men in her life right now". I just assume she is going out and dancing with men and exchanging numbers. There is nothing I can do to control that. I control what I do, how I feel, and what I do to move forward. My wife also tried to start a friendship and be all chummy, only to tell me she thought "we are better as friends sorry". I have cut that off now, as well. It will get your hopes and may crush you later. I am moving forward with my life and working on myself.

[EyeTie]

My WW did the same thing. Every Friday her and her girlfriends (one of which is my friends Fiance) would go to the clubs. I was excited for her to get out, because she never left the house, only to have her hit me with a "divorce" conversation a few months into it.

Don't think about it (it's hard but don't) and GAL. My WW would go out every Friday, I would go out Saturday. Even if it meant just going to a buddies house for a few hours, I still left the house. It would drive her crazy, asking me where I was or what I was doing, I just would stick to my guns and not tell her anything. Give it a shot.

[ATPeace]

Ok so here is a question

The reason my wife wanted to separate from me Stems from the following reasons
My wife was complaining about how little I did in the relationship with regard to household chores cleaning ironing laundry she told me I did very little with the children and how little time I wanted to spend with her I made her feel lonley but one of her biggest complaints was me putting myself and my hobbies in front of her wants and needs

So I GAL and this involves me spending even less time with her and our children I decide to go out Monday or Tuesday evening I join a gym or a class and this takes me away from my kids on that evening every week

So would this not just cause my wife thinks to herself see I knew he did not want to spend time with his children there he goes off again doing things that he wants to do putting himself first

How do I GAL knowing that this is putting myself in front of her and my children and this was one of the main reasons for separating

Please can you help me on this point

Many thanks
Gaty

[ATPeace]

And if I GAL and go out and not tell her where I have been and she asks is this not rude me not telling her ?

[Fogg]

You don't be rude about it if she does ask, you be vague and then direct it back on her if she pursues it more. You need to find your mojo and get back to the person you were. This needy/desperate person(which we all were) has to die out for the new, strong ghost to be created/found.

IF she asks where you're going you just say "Just out", be vague with your answer. If she asks specifically where afterwards, you just replay "Why are you interested?"

This is very likely to shut her down from asking anymore because a person whos done with the M isn't going to care, showing she cares might lead you on and she doesn't want to give you that appearance at all. Not because she does, she might not at all, she just doesn't want you to think she does.

In house separation is difficult Ghost, I wont lie to you. My situation is different than yours as I will be physically separated eventually. Just being in the same house and seeing everything happen is going to rip your mind apart over time. Focus on you and try not to think about what she is thinking.

I blamed myself in the beginning for all the problems(very similar to yours). its only now I see the real reason we are getting D'ed. She was unhappy and thought she could be happier with another man, basically we are getting a D because she wanted to pursue an A. I also thought my W could never be that type of person. The fact shes went out clubbing with a newly separated woman could be a sign. She might have a taste for the single life and want to go after it.

This isn't going to be an easy or short process. I made some amazing changes (ones you are starting) by the second month and I'm still here on the path to D 7 months later. I've changed everything I can think of that my W has ever complained of and it may never mean anything for me and her, but for me it means everything. Refocus your attention to having those changes for you, not her.

The situation with the W is completely different than it was around BD because of how I have changed during this gift of time. It may mean nothing to getting my W back but vital to any future I do have. You can do the same.

[ATPeace]

Thank you

And how do I mange the time

Example I have got most of the day off today and having been away for the weekend I would love for W and I to do something together

How do I deal with the fact that I have the day off I see this as time ....time that I am not going to get back time that I feel I should spend with the W but she is at a different point to me

If,I spend the day away from my W doing my things and leave her to do things she wants without me being there I still fail to see how this will bring us closer together

Her idea for today is for me to keep working on de cluttering the garage so we can move the office to the garage and then we can creat a bedroom in the old office for her ......not exactly my idea of a fun day spent with her and the 2 year old

I am going to find this extremely difficult any further help would really greatful

Thanks
Gary

[shnswms]

Hmm...I would go through with the plan to help her move into the garage. This would show a degree of detachment on your part. Just be strong and try not to get emotional in front of her. Honestly, at this point I think it would be good for you guys to sleep in separate beds until things get better. Lying in bed, not talking to one another will not help the situation. Not helping her move the room will increase her resentment towards you about not helping her out. If she has made her mind up to move into the garage, I don't think it will change anytime soon. Maybe some others could chime in.

[ATPeace]

We have been sleeping in separate beds for the past 4 weeks she sleeps downstairs on a pull up bed she is finding it easier to detach from me because she is in a very different place than I am she had been feeling lonley for a long long time.

What makes it worse is that she is adamant that there is no going back

We are cohabiting we cannot really afford to downscale

We are clearing the garage so we can move the home office to the garage and then she can make the home office a bed room

How do people detach and move away from someone they love and someone that they have been with for 25 years and married for 17 years

Thanks
Gary

[Ontheup]

one of you moves out and you go no contact other than financial and parental matters.