Really Random Ramblings

[tadpole1025]

Thanks Toots, Heather LouR and Wonka.

I went to S22's show last night. I had a fun time. XW did not show. I did get a chance to talk to XW's brother. I saw him last night for the first time since her MLC began. I, like S22, am convinced that he and their entire family have been lied to. Not that it matters, I just find it interesting.

What about coming up with a plan for a real low key 'get me out of the house' thing on days 6 & 7.

Yeah. I hope to think of something...I'm at work at the moment and may take another swim once I get off at midnight.

I do wonder Tad - what do you feel inside that makes it ok for you to go to your son's shows?

I'm not sure. Maybe it is because I know people there. I know some of his fans and the entire band. I am close with all of them. They call me "Band Dad." Two of the members I've known for 6 or 7 years from another band he was in before XW went nuts. It could be too that it is something that I feel I need to do to show support. I also promised him that I will try to make it to every show. I haven't missed one yet.

What was the "dread" feeling?

"Dread" for what....?

I'm not sure that I can explain it. It was more like: "Uh. I have to be around people." I think it is just being around a lot of people and not "knowing" any of them. It's like: "why would anyone want to talk to me?" I'm just not comfortable around people that I don't know. I know....my confidence is shot. When I was on the radio, it was no problem. People usually approached me first because of what I did for a living. It's been that way my entire adult life because I started my radio career when I was just 19.

Kind of having a downer day. It seems that most of my down days are Sundays for some reason.

I really miss my rats. I want more, but am also afraid to get more. It makes me sad to think how they get when they get old. Also, I know that if I did get more, I'd probably struggle with getting out even more than I do now. I sure would like to have more though...

Well after tonight, I'm off for two more days. I have no clue what I'm going to do on my off days. I'm afraid I've become a hermit.

So....here is how my week has been:

Day 1: Nothing

Day 2: Went for a swim

Day 3: Went and had a drink

Day 4: Son's show.

Day 5: Work

Day 6: NOTHING PLANNED

Day 7: NOTHING PLANNED

I really hope to get out. There's just no desire. Even when I am home, I feel I NEED to do something...but that is all it amounts to. Just a need, but no desire to do anything about it.

In a rut.

Tad