I haven't posted anything in the past couple of weeks because I have been very busy with my house, job and kids. I had a couple of interesting discussions with my H and wanted to get everyone's take on them.
This may be a long post so I apologize in advance.
Last weekend, I was out of town GALing with some girl friends. Wine tasting in Sonoma. When I got home on Sunday evening my son told me that the car I let him drive quit running and he had to have it towed to our home. We determined it was probably the alternator. I told him we would discuss what to do the following day.
I took Monday off of work and my son wanted to discuss buying a car. His friends step dad told him he was selling is fathers 2005 Cadillac that has 64k but his dad smoked in the car so he couldn't trade it in. He wanted $6k for it. I told my son I know nothing about cars, you should call your dad and discuss.
So about 30 min later, I'm in my car and I see that my H is calling me. So I answer. He immediately starts yelling about how our S doesn't take care of anything and that he wasn't sure my S should buy a car- btw my S wanted us to loan him the money for the car- I forgot to say that. So my H is yelling. And I said that if he was uncomfortable with the car, he should call his brother who sells cars and ask him what he thinks. My H said good idea.
I call my S and tell him that we are checking with his uncle. My S said good idea. Everyone is on board. About 15 mins later my H calls me again and I can tell he is very agitated. He starts the conversation with I WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO ME AND NOT SAY ANYTHING. I AM VERY TIRED. MY BROTHER SAYS THAT CAR IS NOT A GOOD FIT FOR OUR S AND HE SAYS OUR S SHOULDNT BUY THE CAR. I said I'm fine with that and I agree with you if your brother says he shouldn't buy the car then we should say no and we will figure out something else. My H says that he and my S had a big fight about why he shouldn't buy the car. I said, well I agree with you so that is the end of the discussion of the car with our S. My H didn't know what to say. I agreed with him. It was like he was getting ready to battle with me. I told him not to worry, I'd talk to our S and we would work something else out.
Second conversation-
Saturday, after 3 weeks of helping his mom after his dad's death he is on a flight back to where he lives. He actually called me when he got into the U.S. He wasn't sure he was going to make his connection. I checked and said he should. He said he would call me when he got to his next layover because he had a couple of hours there. He never called me. And he never called me that evening when he got back to his apartment. He called me this morning, but I decided not to answer because he didn't respect me enough to call me yesterday when he said he would.
My question is, should I have answered the call today? Or is it okay to have let it go?
A little background about the first call. One of the things my H always got angry about was the way I defended my S whenever my H got angry with him. My H thought I was ruining him as a man. Babying him. I'm not going to say that I was always correct coming to my S's defense, but I often felt my H was really hard on my S.
Recently, I asked my S if he had talked to his dad to keep in contact and my S said, yes I talked to my dad. We talk to each other, but he hasn't listened to me in years. But we talk.
It made me feel so sad. My H hasn't been here for our kids during the past 3 years. And really more than that.
So not sure if my H will try to contact me again since he is back now. I guess I need to start reviewing the validation statements again. We haven't had a real talk in over 8 months.
Will let you know if I have the first one sometime this week. I'm very nervous!
