Heather - just an observation, but your tendency in interaction with Matt is to 'tell' him things.
Sometimes we do have to state things plainly, but until he crosses a line that matters, maybe a real 180 would be to go with the flow.
I am the opposite - I have tended not to state my boundaries, but hope that xh would get it. Now I state them, and this time he is respecting them. Long may it last.
But I think you still hope for a more reconciled relationship with your husband?
I must say when I have opened myself up more to my xh he has slammed my head against a wall - just sayin' They don't always want to play nice! Only you can judge that.
