I am so sorry to hear this. We all have made mistakes during our DB process. Please try not to be too hard on yourself.
I can tell all on the board love you. We’ll help you through this. As I was told the other day (and it helped me) get back up on the DB horse.
Try to stay as positive as you can, even if it seems impossible. Can you go out with a few friends or a group and have some laughs? I’m finding that laughter truly is the best medicine.
Of course, I’m sure you realize this, but I’ll mention anyway. Your thought about NC is just what you need now.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
*Hugs*
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Oh Z, don't beat yourself up for being human, we have all opened wounds on occasion.
I have done so on more than one occasion and condemned myself over and over. It does little more than perpetuate the abuse that the other person has put has through only this time we do it to ourselves.
This wound will close again, there will likely be a scar a small reminder for the future of period of pain, but also a reminder of your strength and ability to grow and overcome.
Bob makes a great suggestion of the healing force of laughter and company of good friends.
You can always take something away from these interactions that you can consider moving forward...either good or bad. The deed is already done so no worries selling in it.
From what I read of his response, you van take away that your STBXH is not the man you want to love you. He is still in la-la land and in fact he seems to be trolling you.
This was just a reminder to you why NC is Good for YOU right now...to help with decoupling YOUR emotions from HIS antics.
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Sorry, 'troll'ing is a term that is often used to describe a person that tries to say $hit just to elicit a reaction or to rile someone up on bullitwn board / chat forums. They may not even believe what they are saying (sometimes they do because there are real nut cases out there but other times not). They are just trying to push buttons because they can.
Is is narcissistic behaviour, IDK. Could be. On the sports and hobby forums it is really frequent for trolls to come in and say dumb crap to start a fight. It is cowardly because they have anonymity. So it is best just to restrain and "don't feed the troll".
It is a little different since this person was your soul mate...it is not so easy to simply not take he bait (if it is intentional - which it very well be). In any event that is precisely what we must try to do...let those comment go.
I can try to tell my wife until I am blue in the face how she was totally wrong about the way she saw a specific event in our lives (especially when she has rewritten the way it went down) but what us the point. If I am right and I have to prove that, am I not inserting a wedge between us...making it harder for a future or justifying me keeping the score. The only way I can decouple my emotions from these sort of conflicts is to validate how she feels and let it go. Keeping score is just another way if holding onto resentment which holds us back from clearing out our heart and being able to love freely.
I am sure that there are other opinions on this topic, but I believe that on a fundamental level, resentment is why most all of us are here.
Today I wake up thinking of all the times when we were together that he was so kind, and loving. How hard he tried to please me, almost like a little kid at first. The things he built for me.
It's all a jumble. What has been real? Was the twisting, manipulation so bad? Perhaps he was right and he didn't mean to do what he did that night.
I feel the anger in me subsiding for the way he set it up, the things he said to me afterward.
My friend read the letter exchange Znd said, basically it was a summary of why we are here, what his actions and behaviors looked like to me, why I pushed for him to finish it (in case he was really upset and confused.) she said an intellectual man might read it and realize the door is cracked but he is an idiot, so if have to lay it down straighter:
"If you want to address the behavior, offer is as its always been, I will stand for our marriage. The judge will ask if you think counseling could help."
I just don't see what good it will do. I deserve to be with a man who is f yes about me, and my STBX hasn't bern that way for a year or so. I'm not perfect, but I did all I could. And so I wonder if sending him one more will allow me to really feel I did. I just can't imagine chasing him after what he did and what I can expect to change in long run.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
