remnants of pain every now and then

[forward]

This was my last thread and I did not say thanks to folks for offering advice.

I did not call, and now I kind of wonder if I should have, but I did send a letter. In it, I just let her know that I missed her and wished her well and I signed it Love.

She passed several weeks ago. I did not send anything to my XFI to express regrets. Oddly, though it has now been several weeks since MIL passed, nobody has told DD!!! This upsets me and I do not like how her feelings are minimized and ignored. She was not able to go to funeral to say goodbye!

DD9 has been asking why we got divorced. She remembers OW and asks who she was. X has tried to tell her she was not a girlfriend. However, I tell her that it is OK, Daddy and I get along OK, and she does not need to worry about why we got divorced. She wants to know if we argued, etc.. She's not old enough to understand and I don't think she needs to be worried about it, so I just gently tell her that Daddy and I get along well enough to take care of her and always will take care of her.

I was in X and my old stomping grounds and would have a flicker of remembrance here and there. But I am making new memories now. I liked where we met and wanted to move back there with X someday. It took me a while to realize that I could still go to that area, which I love, as X and his family did not own it! So, maybe that area is still a place to consider for future.

H (New Guy) also spent time in that area and likes it. We are discussing how we might be able to retire early and go to that area for a while here and there. I love New Guy and our family has blended fairly quickly. However, blending families is very challenging. It is important to go into that sort of thing with your eyes open!

I feel as though I have been given a second act here and I do not take that lightly. I see how people get stuck. At the same time, I am not afraid to live alone and feel strongly that can be a second act too. (I actually liked living alone and was happy.)

Life is very full and busy and I have many hopes for the future.

I have been thinking that I would like to do a solo hike of some sort. My health hasn't been great and I have started to think about having some time alone. I think this is a factor of my age and health. I want to think about things.

I have a new job at better pay and closer to home, all of which will help me and our family. Since I had old job through the bad situations that occurred, I feel as though I shed my old skin and have a new start.