Jim0987 #14 - due for another upgrade soon

[jim0987]

Hi all.

I thought I would post an update although on the whole my situation is pretty stable and peaceful.

XW is still seems very happy with OM, and the kids seem to be getting on with him well.

They have plans for different things coming up which I think of as 'family activities' so my being replaced hurts.

Part time parenting has its advantages, I'm better rested and have been out much more. I can see from my Interaction with XW that it's working well for her because they are able to do couple type activities that you just can't with a toddler in tow.

On the interaction front is pretty unemotional most if the time now. Cordial polite and quick is the best description. It works better by email or at XWs house. At my house she is still very uncomfortable.

Neither of us ever ask how the other is doing or what they are up to. We only communicate about the kids and then only in terms of childcare arrangements.

There seems to be a mutual willingness to be flexible on childcare which is good. I'm definitely the more proactive one on this but then Ive had to ask for more changes to accommodate my work commitments.

It's a stupid thing but I still get bothered by the seemingly different levels if consideration. For example I've suggested changes so that she could have the kids on mother's day where as she has asked for changes that mean I won't see the kids on my birthday without seemingly even recognising it. That's my issue to deal with in terms if how I let stuff like that affect me, because by now I really shouldn't expect any different.

GAL, well I'm filling time without really building anything substantial or feeling really enthusiastic. It's fun but without someone to share stuff with its pretty lonely and on days where I don't have anything planned I struggle to get motivated to get going.

I had a good chat with my IC about my introvert/extrovert nature and how it varies and how my nature gets dominated by other characteristics relating to my self-esteem, fears and ultimately a need for external validation. Not quite sure what to do with it but hopefully it will do me good in the long term.

Im also understanding more about what my M was really like but have to be cautious not to rewrite to much as I don't want to lessen the feelings that my XW had about it.

So overall I'm OK, a bit 'meh' and tired of it all. To be honest I'm tired of still being in love with my XW, it feels a bit pathetic when she has moved on so fully. And I still struggle with knowing that had I done differently, I wouldn't be here.

I'm debating whether filing for divorce is the right thing to do (citing her adultery) as I wonder whether finalising will help me to accept it and move on. But part of it is also because I want her to finally admit that she left me for OM1. I know this is because I feel hurt and vulnerable so want to exercise control.

Instead, I've got a lot to look forward to, including picking a holiday for next spring (thinking the far East), so I need to keep focused on what is good and enjoy what I can.

Hope you are all good, and thanks for reading.