Thank you so much for all of you my best friends, for checking on me.
Last few days have been tough, something I expected but did not know how it would play out.
There are moments of pure work, busy. There are moments of joy, just feeling good and confident and then there are moments of sadness. And my IC said it is just normal.
Just to clarify the money issue. H is basically paying for everything all the time. He is even paying my lawyer. He makes (or use to make before alimony and child support) a lot more then what I make. I work part time yet, my salary comparing to his is just a tip.
I think that V is right on the money. It was manipulative. In 18 years together, this was the first time I hear that he did not have cash or cards on him. Of course I did not check his pockets.
It was cheap, and manipulative and I knew it. Maybe he did this because he does not have any control over what I do now. Maybe because he was insecure to stay with the kids by himself since he just D their mother.
Why he did this? I can always be guessing or I can let go because since the beginning I want to understand why, keep thinking that he has a reason to keep me close. But is still moving forward with the D.
So, there is no Why anymore. H is an adult that made his choice and I do not need to care at all about his reasons. All what I need to do right now is to endure this hard time that we still need to resolve many things. And start dealing with my own destiny.
That he will come back? IDK...That he will regret it? IDK... That he is in any fog? IDK... and because IDK anything about him or what he thinks, I just need to let go, let go, let go.
I am OK and I believe I will feel better, I just need time.
