I think it is all final. We were through Couples counselling before I moved out. She does not love me or want me. We live totally separate lives now. Only thing holding us together is the kids. She is seemingly happy in her new life. She knows I hit rock bottom when the breakup was final. She knows I do not love myself. She knows I am pretty pathetic. And I was desperate in every aspect. We are not coming back from that. For her the relationship was dead for years. I am the only one not accepting the facts. I feel I lost everything. I should get up and get out there. Problem is I only want her.
It is over. And I need to realize this. I have waisted 9 months. Several months on rock bottom and several months crying in my car on my way to work. It was a mental break down for me.
Focus must be on me and the kids now.
It is too late following the rules. Her mind is made up. I will read the books when I receive them knowing it will hurt reading about all the things I did wrong.
I just hope it will give some tools not to feel so stuck anymore..
