10 Months Later... XW Wants To Talk About Us?

[HPoirot]

Just updating... I looked at my phone for another reason and saw she replied so just went ahead and read it. Not terrible and not unexpected...

Thanks HP for getting back to me.

What has not changed is the fact that I still feel that - regardless of me seeing someone or not - we should have talked more.

But I honestly I do understand your point of view and respect it.

Even if we don't talk about us, we need to talk about S12 at least. Are you willing to do that? To talk about the school year, what he will need, visitation and custody, and what your plans are for moving to Florida?

Thanks,

XW


That last part she knows we do and have done over email. And still with this "no matter what I was doing, you should have talked to me/not left/not made me homeless and things would have been better."

So lesson again... it's no use fussing over these conversations. It's really no use parsing what the WAS says. It's actions and commitment initiated by them that you have to look for. You can only state your needs and boundaries, don't expect any outcome, and keep moving forward.

So, no reply, nothing more to say, and moving on.

[claire7]

Chiming in HP, as I've been reading your updates with great interest!

She thinks that you and she should have talked more about your relationship even though she was seeing someone else? If so, she is a piece of work.

Maybe she just wants to have a more cordial co-parenting relationship with you. (Is that what she means by becoming a family again??)

It *is* in your son's best interest that you and she can have conversations about him...

What an interesting story you have HP. I don't have great advice but thank you for sharing your up dates. There is a lot for all of us to learn.

[HeavyD]

I agree - your W does sound like she is still in pitiful me mode. I don't read any remorse in her messages and still is implicitly blaming you for her behaviors - which is not fair. The whole "we should have talked more." is blame shifting in my opinion.

Carry on but I really think you are making progress.

Be well

Heavy

[Wonka]

HP,

If I were you, I'd call out W on her "should have talked to me" comment by deflecting her responsibility in the A. She cannot blame it on you.

No more pussy footing around here. She asked about coming home and working on the M. So you have to be direct here.

[LITB]

HP,

Good to see you around. Obviously, your XW is being manipulative and trying to get you where she wants you. At an armslenghth. Not too close, yet not too far away.

What she says means nothing, until her actions align with her words. Here's my suggestion on a response.

XW,

I have put a lot of thought into your emails about our situation. First, I have put forth the effort to work on myself and will continue to do so. My life is heading in a positive direction, which I have learned to enjoy. Communicating about S12 through email works best for me. If I were to consider working on re-building a relationship with you, it would have to be without any outside influence. Otherwise, it simply doesn't work for me. Hope this makes sense.

HP

Anyway, welcome back. You got this.

[gogofo]

As LITB seems to be referencing, there seems to be a balance to make sure that the effort is genuine, not just giving her the cake. I think action seems to be the separator between cake eating and genuine effort.

[Vanilla]

HP, what is best for you and S12?

As a family unit. Is your dad still supportive?

V

[Drew]

XW,

I have put a lot of thought into your emails about our situation. First, I have put forth the effort to work on myself and will continue to do so. My life is heading in a positive direction, which I have learned to enjoy. Communicating about S12 through email works best for me. If I were to consider working on re-building a relationship with you, it would have to be without any outside influence. Otherwise, it simply doesn't work for me. Hope this makes sense.

HP

But only if you reply at all. Why keep reiterating your boundary, that only weakens it.

[LITB]

XW,

I have put a lot of thought into your emails about our situation. First, I have put forth the effort to work on myself and will continue to do so. My life is heading in a positive direction, which I have learned to enjoy. Communicating about S12 through email works best for me. If I were to consider working on re-building a relationship with you, it would have to be without any outside influence. Otherwise, it simply doesn't work for me. Hope this makes sense.

HP

But only if you reply at all. Why keep reiterating your boundary, that only weakens it.

Yeah, I agree that would work better. Wonder which direction HP went.

[Vanilla]

He will let us know I think?

V