My W and I have talked on numerous occasions and she has made things clear to me that she is not looking for anybody else she wants to be able to put her self first and not have to depend on anyone so dating right now is not a concern when and if it happens I a going to have to find a way to deal with it hopefully I would have learnt enough here and wit the help of councillors will find a way to cope.
I would not place too much stock in what she has said on the subject, b/c it is pretty much common script for a WW. I am more concerned in how you will deal with it.
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Can someone advise me please I am making changes that I want to be lasting but how do I know or how does she know that they will last ...I guess it is only with time
I realise my actions of helping more with the house chores have come too late right now she does not care what I do or do not do, I know if I took the attitude of doing little then she would be out the door.
Part of me thinks she feels she has to take this stance so that I never do go back to my old ways
I have told her that she does not need to worry aa my changes are for ever but she has to see it Little steps and taking each day as it comes never give up and keep working on myself
Here's the thing, Gary. She is thinking, talking, and acting as a single (separated) woman. On the other hand, you are thinking, talking, and acting as if the two of you were "piecing the M back together". Those are two entirely different places. Therefore, you may be setting yourself up for more disappointment and a lot of hurt.
I am not saying this cannot be turned around. I'm just saying I think you may need to look at it from a somewhat different angle. I mean, you are knocking yourself out to be a H she approves, right? You are trying to prove yourself worthy of her. You think she is worried your changes won't last. You will probably start worring about other things she's thinking about you.......when in fact, it couldn't be further from reality. She has a different mindset from a woman who actually wants her M to work. At this point, she has a completely different agenda from that woman.
She is leaving the kids with you while she goes out clubbing (although she has absolutely no thoughts of dating). She knows she has no worries cause you have the kids with you. In fact, all your GAL includes the kids. Nothing wrong with it, I'm just saying she knows she has no worries as long as all your GAL is centered around actitivy with children.
You are doing great with the kids, house, weight loss, etc. What could you do to change the dynamics in the relationship with your W, if she is no longer interested in a M with you? I hope you will understand what I am going to say. I have seen hundreds of LBH'S work themselves into the ground, trying to become who he thinks his W wants. Then he is crushed when she doesn't respond the way he had hoped. That's b/c he missed the main ingredient.........attraction. I admire you working on losing weight, b/c I know how tough it can be. That is a good place to start in the attraction department. Are you working out, too? Have you had a chance to update your wardrobe, if needed? Trying to be all things to everyone is very time consuming, isn't it?
What was there about you that attracted her when you first stated dating?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
She knows she has no worries cause you have the kids with you. In fact, 