Oh come on, I'm only kidding, if you can't joke about this crap what can you?
I just posted something on Different's thread you can check out. I think it's nice to know what the road ahead may look like. And to have some goals both for where you want to be, and for how you want to conduct yourself.
Independence is a strange thing. I think you define your goals by thinking of what you're doing now that ISN'T independent, then picturing the opposite. So if dependence is being unable to leave financially, independence would be having the means to take care of yourself in some fashion. If dependence is living your life for his approval, independence would be valuing your own opinion (or God's) more, and following your own path even when it leads him to act nasty or controlling. You've already started to kick this stuff around. It's not a time for desperate action anyway, just a good time to start letting go of the beliefs that have trapped you for so long and at least imagine it could be different.
As for core beliefs, it's good to have a few to guide you through the storm. As I said in my post to Different, emotions of all types will toss the ship around. It's good to ground yourself so you're not reacting to the latest phase of emotion.
Organized religion isn't for everyone, but it brings a lot of benefits. It provides those core beliefs, and helps to lead to independence as well because you focus on your R with God over a dysfunctional partner. Many people dismiss religion (and I have at times), but if one rolls their eyes and throws away that foundation they better replace it with something else that inspires and guides them. I think WAS's are proof that following feelings through life leads to destruction.
Keep posting and take it easy.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
