#Nettles you are correct. Getting well again is the first priority. I am seeing IC. But I think on of the main things I have to focus on is detachment. I had way too much of myself invested in the relationship. All dreams and thoughts of the future included her.
The IC I am seeing now put me on medication which I think has had an adverse effect on me. Message is I need to be yanked out of the depression in order to be able to see things in the right perspective. Right now it is still a vicious cycle of negative self blame and an inability to see the bright side of life. The bright sides are there. In all of this I managed to get a new well paid job closer to the kids with shorter hours. I have been able to buy a large apartment for me and the kids. But my mind is not in it.
What the IC told me is that my ex wife might not be capable of receiving and giving real love. However the description of a wayward wife pretty much sums it up. She may be head strong and stubborn but I seriously do not think she has a disorder. The IC however was of the opinion that my boundaries have gradually been pushed over the years. I think I had as much to do with that not realizing women will test your strength again and again. That is a generalisation I know.
Nothing anyone has said has been able to trigger any anger against her.
After reading a lot on the subject I understand her reactions. Maybe even if she does not. It is hard not to blame yourself when you can check of so many mistakes. Some where along the way I stopped being a man she could respect. The IC believes I was gradually pushed to it but I did not make it hard for her. I was young, insecure and had no experience. Now it is too late to change with her..
