Heading toward affair- what to do?

[hopeOK]

Thank you Onetheup. I appreciate your words. He is quick to write ppl off and of course he is always in the right. I know he is doing a lot of typical stuff. But realizing it is that, doesn't make it any easier.

I cannot seek legal advice on the weekend so I am stuck. I guess worse case scenario, he empties the account & then I have to ask my parents for help. Then him emptying out the account should not look favorably when we go to court.

Hopefully he isn't making any stupid moves right now & is just getting out to blow off steam & even maybe to try & turn the tables so I am the worried one. Well I am worried but I'm not going to show him that.

[Ontheup]

As far as i'm aware anywhere if its a joint account and he just empties it then if/when you go to court that will be brought up and yes not looked on favourably at all.

If you're that worried then why don't you withdraw your half?

No, none of this is easy and I can only give you my experience. Others on here will no doubt say different.
All I can promise you is that it will get easier depending on what you do. the longer you do the dance the longer you will be in pain.
I relatively quickly decided I wasn't go to beg, plead, dance any longer and moved on. If my ex wanted me then she would bend over backwards to get me back. She never made one move other than some bulssh1t talk about reconciliation and seeing a councillor once. That right there told me all I needed to know. She didn't give a sh1t anymore.
It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but over time It has worked out to be the best thing I've done.
You will gain back your self respect and dignity and realise there is more to this world than being treated like a door mat.

I've not been on here for many months but ill check in over the next few days and see how you are getting on.

[hopeOK]

Well he came back... And the bank account has not been touched. I think I am going to keep acting like a friendly neighbor & doing all the GAL I mentioned before. I hope what I said at least has him thinking & maybe even worrying what I'll do. But I need to play it cool until I can talk to a lawyer & figure out my next step.

[Ontheup]

Yes definitely see a lawyer as soon as you can then you know where you stand

[hopeOK]

He is acting normal... I left to go to the farmer's market & he texted to tell me about something S6 did & also offered to take off work early so I could go shoot on Tuesday. Somewhat relieved he isn't trying to even the score... But at the same time I am wondering if he is acting normal to ease me into complacency & then he do something like contact a lawyer. But I keep telling myself that the courts will not be unfair to me as the main caregiver of my kids... They would not give him sole custody (what I fear most). I will be ok no matter what he does & if he does something totally crazy to try to hurt me, the courts will pay attention to that.

Calming myself down! I can do this. I can focus on taking care of myself. I would like to think I have him nervous. If he has any sense he should be able to see that he is the one who stands to lose here in regards to $ & time w/ kids.

[hopeOK]

I was texting H to tell him about a major traffic problem on my way to the market. He said this-
If I thought the way that you do I'd just assume that you were doing something that you want to hide.

I said-
except I have the transparency thing going. Not trying to hide anything.

Then he said-
Right. Like your little deal last night. You somehow think you know something about something so you start asking weird questions designed to scare me or put me on the defensive. Which it does. And then I get very angry.
Transparency at work.

Seems like he is fishing for what I know. STFU on my part or say- I know what I know & it is not acceptable to me.

[Clairee]

First, breathe Hope. Monday call legal aid. Find out everything you can about the laws in your state. You aren't obligated to file anything, but knowledge is power. Your priority must be you & your kids.

As for this weekend, have a big glass of stfu & don't let him bait you into fights. Try your best to act as if. Treat him with kindness, like you would a neighbor. Don't make any decisions about the vacation yet. You're too emotionally charged to be clear about that right now. Give yourself some space to calm down & be able to think it through. Once you've calmed a little, you'll be able to decide what is best. Breathe Hope, deep breaths. You can do this.

[hopeOK]

Thank you, Tweets. I feel pretty calm as of right now. I feel like after H&M calmed down from my "threat" he has been back pedaling... Initiating convos w/ me & talking a lot about the vacation. Maybe he is trying to gauge where I am. I do not see any fights happening as we are both avoidant as far as fighting goes & I'd have to bring it up again to get him riled up.... Which I have no plan to do that. I want more evidence... Hard core stuff but not sure how to get it.

Legal aide? Is that something you have to qualify to use? I thought I would just need to find a lawyer.

[hopeOK]

And yes... Deep breaths. Deep breaths!

[hopeOK]

Well maybe I am not totally calm... My chest feels right. I guess I am anxious. For what? Maybe just knowing that something more is going on besides friendly conversation since he could not account for where he was yesterday. So I feel anxious just carrying on normally with that knowledge in my head.

He is being super careful to not hide his devises when he is using them. And super talkative. I think he knows I am on to something & he is trying to show me nothing is going on... But I am not fooled.

If I could relax & get rid of this tightness in my chest, that's be great!