I have been reading a lot threads on this page. Still not up to touch on the abbreviations.
The story is I got divorced/broke up 9 months ago. We have 2 kids 6 and 3. She is totally done with me I am not done with her. I will do ANYTHING for us to get back together but I am in a very low state of mind now. Depressed and lonely.
The relationship could in many ways have been better but she was my first big love, first one I ever lived with. Long story short I did all the wrong things. She works as a nurse and I as an engineer. I was not happy in my first job but stayed to earn the money needed for the family. She works a lot of evening shifts and weekends (part time) which ment I was alone with the kids a lot. I got stressed and depressed. I became the pursuer. I missed her love. Sex was maybe once a month for years. I felt rejected in the relationship and did not know how to change it. I did the mistake of giving flowers, arranging dinners together and yes pursue. I lost confidence in my self and she lost respect for me. I did not have the energy or time to GAL. There was work and family and I did prioritize getting out fishing, hunting and running. When she did not work weekends I prioritized time together with the family. However I did try getting her to take the kids in the car to her parents herself so that I could get things done around the house. This however was not an option. She did not want to drive herself, go grocery shopping or more or less anything alone with the kids.
The nagging became more and more prevalent to the point where I did know how to do anything correct anymore. I felt like walking on eggshells and every initiative, idea or pretty much anything was not received positively. I know now she was testing me. Testing my strength. I became the underdog, the pursuer, the hopeless romantic. I had no idea how to get the attraction and respect back. She started wanting to get out. She did not say anything but she started partying a lot and getting home drunk the next morning. I was so confused, scared of losing and became jealous of her male friend who was getting a lot of attention. A friend I saw as my own... We ended up in marriage counselling and that of course this not end good. I was asked to share all my feelings and I was up s... creek at that time and not at all in control of my emotions. And I cried when I realised I was loosing everything only confirming her belief that I was week. I was week at the moment. Shortly after the message was no hugs, no kisses no physical contact and by the way she would be leaving early for work to help her male friend putting up a shelf. I could not do it. I could not keep my cool and ended up packing my bags and driving to my parents place with tears in my eyes. Just writing this makes me realize there is no way I will get her love and respect back. She was already out the door but did not have the emotional courage to end it.
So here I am 9 months later. Still pining for her and getting the nuclear family back. I was needy, desperate, wrote probably a dusin messages trying to explain what went wrong and how I understand now and that we can work on it. But that of course in no way work. I have been diagnosed with a depression which probably contributed to me being so emotional in the break up phase. I really was only a shell in the end.
I feel miserable reading about what I should have done. What I should have done years ago. I had no clue. I do now, but it is probably too late. She has made it clear she never wants me back. The best thing would probably be to move on. But every emotion in me says it is wrong. That deep down we still love eachother and that with the knowledge I am gathering now the relationship could be what it should have been.
Have any of you seen a miracle come back from something like this? I know there are other fish in the sea and all, but there is only one mother of my kids. I will do anything for a shot more at this. It all went way to fast for me...
