This BB is simply fantastic, there are so many people willing to give their honest opinions and views which is really refreshing and totally empowering.
I've read the DB book and have signed up to DB counselling, the first session was awesome and really helped me get my thoughts together.
The question that I can't find any depth of information on is where a WS has left for what was their "first love".
My W has left and is now living with hers and I wondered what views you guys have on whether this is any different to the, for want of a better phrase, a typical affair?
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Thank you Cadet for all of the pointers, it's really appreciated.
Matt777, she is having an A with a man who was her first love when she was a teenager. She was with him for around 18 months and broke up with him twice and apparently her dad told him that if he loves her to set her free.
He's been divorced twice, so isn't all that good with relationships on the face of it.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Thank you Cadet, is what I thought and am doing at the moment while "going dark".
Having spent time diligently going through the links it seems that the one to validation cheat sheet is broken. Have searched but couldn't find anything like what was alluded to by the description.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Having spent time diligently going through the links it seems that the one to validation cheat sheet is broken. Have searched but couldn't find anything like what was alluded to by the description.
Still no closer to understanding whether the "first love" thing has any bearing. There are articles dotted around the net saying it creates a special bond that is to be concerned by as it's very strong. Having said that as no one has directly responded yet on the question gives me hope that it's nothing to be feared or overly concerned by.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Still no closer to understanding whether the "first love" thing has any bearing. There are articles dotted around the net saying it creates a special bond that is to be concerned by as it's very strong. Having said that as no one has directly responded yet on the question gives me hope that it's nothing to be feared or overly concerned by.
It is very common in the MLC forum.
The only person to fear is YOU, IMHO YOU are the only person that YOU can CONTROL.
So focus on that and the rest will work itself out exactly as it is meant to be.
