wow Zeus! Thanks so much! I sure hope you keep following me and responding because I love the way you think! You are so right I have accepted that this is my life. I am not sure if you read my family dynamics post but Yep it is what I learned. I always said I would have a better life than this. I am very scared of living a life without him. I am not sure why though. I have lived without him before. I am scared if I stop trying He will just walk away and have a loving relationship with OW. Sometimes I do not think he would care if I walked away. At least that is the impression he gives me. It is absolutely not what I want. I promised myself when we got back together if this happened again I would walk away for good. But then I felt guilty because my depression and anger is what likely caused it. His excuse was I kept accusing him so he may as well have. He said it was planned so this time he did not even feel bad. Lovely huh? I am not sure I believe that. I continued to pursue beg all the bad things for almost a year until I got this book recommended at IC and then found the board. You are right I need to worry about me and the kids (I consider his kids mine also so I need to be there for them and refuse to leave them out but I can leave him out) I will say back in June I made some changes being kind, supportive, spending time with him cuddling, just having fun we spent the most time we have together in that month than probably in a year and then all of a sudden huge fight and now no contact and barely any talking. It was a total 180. As you probably read until I came on the board we still had SL. Now nothing which I am ok with. There has been no cuddling. NO kissing, no ILY in almost a year. We do share the same bed money and responsibility. It is actually for the most part even. I watch kids way more while he is out but my other option is to let OW around his kids and I am not willing to do that until he FORCES me out. He only says he wants me leave when he is mad! So here are my true and honest fears: 1. not making it financially I only make 19000 a year not much to live off of! I do not get child support or anything 2. Losing his family as they are my only support I do not talk to my family 3. splitting the kids up 4. him not stepping up and changing 5. Him leaving completely 6. I have always loved him since i was 15 7. scared on being alone 8. I have no where to go I would not live with my parents again if it was the last place! If you read my family dynamics post you will understand!
Yep I sound co-dependent. maybe I should find some good information on that. I want to commit to option 2. i do not want to teach these kids anymore bad habits. Did you see my goals? good? bad? on track? Ha I have survived 13 years lol why ot 40 more? just kidding I am ready for big changes. I can not live like this anymore. will he be terrified? will I start to see changes in him? how do I set boundaries I have read the boundaries thread but my fear wins over and I become a door mat to keep the peace. I am so tired of fighting and having all out screaming matches I would like to keep the peace! I do not want to disrupt the kids lives. Do you think I should continue standing my ground on not allowing kids to be around OW? It means I have to watch them to protect them but to me they are to young to understand and i would rather them believe things are ok for as long as I can. I do understand where you are coming from I just need as much direction as I can get. I obviously do not know what a healthy relationship looks like and I also have no idea where to go from here! so any help you can give me is so appreciated. Im good with step by step because this is going to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do! Also the marriage thing is kind of what his mom taught him. He is adopted by his brothers dad who was in and out of his life never around always in trouble. when the boys were little she met her current husband they were together 17 years before she would agree to marry him she said she would never get married again. they still do not share joint anything so at least I got past that we do not share joint accounts but bills are in both names and his mom owns the house so if he decides im out I will not have a toe to stand on! Thanks again zeus Please reply
