Your boss sounds extremely abusive, and I would also be working on an exit strategy. Yes, that adds another layer of pressure and stress on your already compromised stability, but try to see it as a growth opportunity in the interim?
I'm willing to bet that a few years ago, you would have not felt that the stress of finding a new job was worth the upheaval, and you might have allowed yourself to think that you had to put up with that.
Also not sure if you have an HR department, but I wouldn't hesitate to contact them. IF you can't do it, promise yourself that you'll schedule an exit interview and document this kind of abuse so that she's held accountable for her behavior there.
True story. When I worked at the company in CA where I met Mr. Wonderful, I worked for a complete male chauvinist pig, who was also a pervert. He would orchestrate scenarios where he could catch his group of female employees in positions where he could be a peeping Tom. (Just thinking about him gives me the creeps.) He had a calendar of topless women in his office, and loved to call us in and watch our discomfort. This was the 80s, and they were getting on board with sexual harrasment training about that time, when those calendars finally came down. Anyway, he came into crosshairs with my office mate, who slapped a lawsuit on him and the company before she quit. She settled, and you'd think he'd have been fired. I was so naive then... and a friend of Mr. Wonderful's commented, "No, they'll just promote him." (In true Office Space fashion - I swear someone from my company wrote that screenplay.) My division director told me, "Bets, try not to make too many waves - this company goes through reorganizations every couple years and you might wind up working for this a*hole again." I got married and left, and true to fashion, he became the next boss of my former group. Again, all women and all who had heard my stories.
Looking back, this man belonged in JAIL from the first get go. He was probably one of those guys who hid in public restrooms with cameras. Anyhoo, in my exit interview, I let them know how awful he was. A couple years after I had moved here and left, one of my friends called me one day and told me that he was escorted off the premise by the box lady (the one who shows up at your office with the box and tells you to pack all your crap right now). He was caught viewing pornography at work. On government time. I was never so unsurprised in my life.
Side note (to let you know the kind of person I was then), when I interviewed, he asked me a tough question and I took a deep breath before I pondered an answer. He interrupted me with a perverted grin and said, "I love the way your chest heaves when you sigh." I should have reported him then and there. Mr. W. always wondered why I would have taken a job across the country to work for someone who was clearly a pervert. To this day, I think my desire to move outweighed my common sense. It worked out, but that disgusting story is part of my past. I'd like anyone and everyone to learn from it.
MAKE IT MATTER... whenever you need to make it matter. The company loses money on people like her. And you deserve so much better, MB.
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Sometimes these bosses are every where. We have one where I work, and I don't know how to deal with her crap.
Each time she says something abusive I cringe and dip my head and vow not to be having any contact other than polite neighbour stuff or less. Db has helped on this not to take it so personally and internalise it.
I wish and my goal is to stand up to her better if I did that it wouldn't happen. She does it because no on calls her out. She is emotional type in her abuse with out downs.
Not like the perve who is just built that way. I feel for me I need to deal with her sort better as small towns are full of them and I cannot move on. Why should I want to?
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Well, in this case she is the owner of the three (including me) person business where I work. There's no HR to report her to -- suck it up or jump. No one in this position has lasted longer than 6-9 months -- 2/3 of whom she fired. She's really disrespectful too. One very young woman landed in the position she wanted here at a much larger, more prestigious firm... My boss announces proudly "I fired her a$$." I do not intend to let her talk like that about me. I'm getting my ducks in a row. I do know more of what I'm worth now. It's just a matter of deciding how to go about things.
In other news, STBX is taking the kids tomorrow for a week with his family. Glory be, I get a break! I will miss them. And they will miss me. I was a little surprised they aren't more excited to spend a week with him. They don't talk so much anymore about missing him, which makes me sad. Then again, he emailed today asking for me to "work with him" so he can go on a long international trip. I guess my kids are starting to understand how highly he prioritized work trips.
Lastly, I can clearly see from the credit card bills that he's dating. I wonder if it's one woman or a series, and if it's one, what she thinks of him going away for a week without her. I wonder if my kids know and are afraid to say anything. (S9 has become protective of me). This is all idle. I submitted my complaint this week and hopefully it's been served on his attorney while he was out of town. I'm nearing the finish line. I expect to sleep a LOT this weekend.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I'm sorry to hear about the stress you are under at work. That is no fun, especially on top of everything else.
I hope you have a chance to relax and recharge while the kids are away. I've had a few of these long-ish breaks, now, and at first I bawled when she left with stbx. Now, I just feel sad for a bit, and then try to be productive and, more importantly, enjoy the free time. Hope you can do that, too.
Is it reasonable that I should be expected to make her doctor appointments? I work at a financial services firm. Today she told me if I'm not willing to make those appointments that I don't belong at her business.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Don't want to make any statements here until the assumptions are addressed. Do you have an employment agreement? Is your job her executive assistant? When you were presented with a job offer, what did the duties entail?
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
When I was hired I was told a lot of things that haven't played out over time (all things that would have benefitted me). Those are in my offer letter. I do not have an employment agreement beyond the offer letter. I am an administrative assistant and my expectation was that I would be keeping the calendar for the business. Nothing was said about keeping my boss's personal calendar. I do not keep other personal appointments like car maintenance, etc.
I think I have some broader concerns about how my boss treats me that are finding expression in my unwillingness to make her doctor's appointment.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
MB, I think you have much bigger issues than the dr appointments and I'd probably suck it up and make them while you plot your get away. No sense in stirring the pot and risk not being able to orchestrate your own departure. In a way, that's the same game I'm playing with STBX right now. Play nice short term to get what I need long term.
