Walk away wife and my journey

[25yearsmlc]

So I have a question
W and I are getting along better since the split because there range no rows and she has a totally different mindset

She feels that the reason things are so much better is because she no longer feels as lonley because she is in control of her needs and does not need to rely on me to be there for her

Now I accept this but

Stop negating your words and then making an excuse for ignoring what she's telling you. That's not validation. That is more of the same.

You're getting along better in part b/c you are not making her cater to your needs and wants and you are not letting your fears and insecurities dictate what you say or do, I would assume.

Here in DB land, we say to Do what works, and keep at it. IT's not easy but it's also not that complicated.


I believe also it has to do with how we have been towards each other the past 3 to 4 weeks her whole experience has been turned on its head with my 180s and the fact that we are both getting along


Then keep it up. Don't talk about it. Just do it. Let time do the rest. As I said before, the "math" of it is this:

Consistent changes + sufficient time = change she can believe in.

Now each day that passes I believe she is working on the separation distancing herself from me as an example she will be going out clubbing with a recently separated friend on Saturday (she never goes clubbing) whilst I am at my sisters with all the children

what's Your next GAL? She can babysit for you so go out with your friends somewhere (not a bar, please). And if you don't have friends available for that,

JOIN something or EXPLORE something or STUDY something or COACH something or VOLUNTEER somewhere THIS MONTH. Seriously I cannot stress the importance of GAL nearly enough.

We hammer it here for one reason: it works. Overcome your inertia and don't make excuses. Your wife is managing a night out, you can too. But i'd make it a regular thing like a class or club or team.


Whilst I am trying to work on myself I guess for me this journey is about how we can find a way back together but I guess for that to happen she is going to have to want it to happen and right now I do not believe this is what she wants

How do I go day to day knowing we are looking for different things ?

You sound as if you revolve around her like the earth revolving around the sun. That's co-dependence, and it's not healthy and it's not attractive. It's needy.

You need to keep the focus on your personal work and you give it TIME and then let the results speak for themselves.

Let's hear more about YOUR GAL and your thoughts of life and NOT about what she is doing or thinking or feeling or what you think she is feeling or doing to thinking.