I made it to the pool last night. Of course, I fought with myself for an hour and a half before finally making it down there. Nobody was there which was good. I swam for about an hour. It's amazing how my mind races when I'm out of my apartment and alone away from my boys. My mind was going a mile a minute.
Thought about:
My life
My marriage
Life in general
Death
My rats
Maybe I should go get laid but that even takes getting out.
My job
Things I could have done better or differently.
How lonely wind sounds when blowing through pine trees.
My grandmother.
I thought of all sorts of things for no particular reason. It was actually a nice night with a little breeze. Not socializing but....something.
The Happy Hour....
When I woke up this morning, it was the first thing I thought of. Of course, I felt dread, but spent the day trying to convince myself to go. Finally I got to a point where basically I was telling myself "If I don't go now, I'll never go." So, I didn't go to the happy hour, but I did go to the location early and had one drink. Cop out? Maybe. I knew though that the later it got in the day, the less likely the chances of me going were. I'm kicking myself now because I didn't go to the actual event and didn't "socialize." When I walked in, my watch said 2:41. It said 3:15 when I walked out. 34 minutes. Terrible.
I wish I could describe what kind of struggle this is. I've never had an issue like this. I find myself wondering how I got to this point. I'm pretty sure that I'm 85%-90% done with XW's garbage. Now, I have this issue. I look back on my radio days and sometimes shudder when I think about some of the things I used to do as "the star." I don't even think I could even TOUCH a microphone these days. It's obvious that even though I was extremely good at it, my radio days are officially over for good.
Funny thing is, when I'm going to work, I have no problems getting ready and leaving the house. It's almost like I am 2 separate people: "Work Tad" and "Home Tad." "Work Tad" looks forward to going to work and loves his job. "Home Tad" enjoys his days off, but never does anything with them.
Anyways, just wanted to update. I guess my week now looks like this:
Day 1: Nothing
Day 2: Went for a swim
Day 3: Went and had a drink
Day 4: Son has a show. I will be there.
Day 5: Work
Day 6:
Day 7:
So yes, I got out. No, I didn't go to the happy hour.
I think that the "getting out" is rough. "Socializing" is even more difficult.
How the Hell did I get here?
The weatherman says we will probably get some big storms tonight. I'm planning on sitting on my patio and watching the lightning.
34 lousy minutes. That's all I could handle.
Tad
"Former" radio personality
Currently: M 57 XW 58 Sons 39,34,32,30
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
