Journaling: Another low key day at work. Just really having fun with all my coworkers. STBX called at the end of her shift but I was busy and didn't answer. After lunch, she sent a cute video TM of S1. I jokingly replied to the TM.
When I got to band practice, I spoke with the kids a bit. As I was about to end the call, I asked her if she wanted to grab lunch tomorrow (in response to her request earlier in the week to spend time together). She said yes and seemed excited about it.
During practice, I saw that I missed a few calls and TMs from STBX.
"Wanted to ask you when you would like to meet tomorrow. I told my friend that we could meet her at the beach so I want to coordinate my plans. Also...I've eaten at X Restaurant almost every morning the last three days. Is there anywhere else you'd like to go? Otherwise we can have dinner. Whatever works for you. :)"
My reply: "I really am super flexible for lunch and could do an early dinner too."
So it sounds like we will either end up doing lunch or an early dinner. Either way I will keep it fun and casual. And I took Starsky's advice and picked up a new pair of shoes.
Other than that, had a blast at band practice and am currently taking an online parenting class my state requires for divorcing parents. Fun!
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Just realized that you and I have almost identical BD dates Defacto. Mine was 1/10 of this year.
Talk about a crummy weekend for us both huh?!
I had actually high fived a client three weeks before because 2014 was such a tough year for us both and we were sure that 2015 was going to be much much better....
Good luck on the meet up tomorrow, I know you'll be cool and all of the hard work you've put in so far will keep you that way.
Love the shoes idea too. Brilliant.
Last edited by PigPen; 07/17/1502:06 AM.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
PP, Thanks brother! Yeah that was a crummy weekend to say the least.
Journaling: STBX agreed to meet up for lunch today. She sent me a TM that they were on their way so I knew that she was bringing the kids. No worries, that just makes it easier to be friendly and casual.
I decided to be a few minutes late and I pulled up next to her car in the parking lot. We both helped get the kids out of the car. She hugged me and said it was good to see me. She also mentioned that she liked the bracelets I was wearing.
The conversation was all light and casual. We talked about the kids, her new opportunities at work, but nothing even close to R talk. I was friendly and engaged the whole time. I made eye contact with her whenever I could and noticed she had watery eyes for half of lunch, but I won't go as far as to say they were tears. I've also noticed that her hands sometime tremble but this could just be from lack of sleep or something.
We smiled at each other whenever the kids did something funny and held a fairly steady conversation. We both agreed it was time to go after about 40 minutes. I helped load the kids into her car. Once both kids were strapped in, STBX waited by the side of the car and gave me a hug. Then I pulled a Starsky, gave her a kiss on the cheek, and told her she looked amazing. She said, thank you, and told me that I've never looked better. Then, she asked if she could have another hug.
Then she walked over to the driver side and said thank you. I asked for what. She said it was for agreeing to meet up with them. I smiled, wished her a good day with the kids, and said goodbye.
I felt it went pretty well. No big deal really. I figured it would. No breakthroughs. No expectations.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Way to go, Defacto. Looks like you are on the right track.
Keep it up
T14 M5 SD15,D8,S6,D3 "Not Happy" 12/11/14 EA discovered 2/11/15 MC started 2/17/15 MC "put on hold" 4/3/15 W IC started 4/5/15 PA admitted 5/7/15 WW moves out 5/8/15 WW gets her own place 7/15/15
After lunch, STBX sent me two TM pics of goofy book covers from the library. I kind of chuckled but didn't feel the need to respond. About two hours later, STBX calls. I decided to answer.
STBX proceeds to complain about having to get three years of financial records together and her running out of her retainer for her L. She basically says that her L wants to go after me for alimony and child support and she doesn't want that. She mentions trying to resolve the D between ourselves. She complains that if she has to pay another retainer, she can't move out and get her own place. She tells me that she is in debt and can't afford for this to be drawn out. She states that she doesn't want to go after me like her L wants her to.
I just listen the best I can. I tell her that if she wants to propose another approach, I can review it with my L. I say that I'm not a legal expert so I don't know all the options. She says that she doesn't have time to research all the other options this weekend because she is going out of town. Eventually, I tell her that I need to get back to work.
A half an hour later she sends me this TM:
"I spoke further with my L. I guess we will stick to the path we are on. I want to be clear though that I want this to be amicable because I love you and I love our kids."
So, yeah...kind of a downer. I know, stay the course but sometimes I just really contemplate getting this over with so I can get on with the rest of my life. It really makes me wonder if she didn't just want to get together with me so I would be more agreeable to just go along with her quick D idea...
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
I'm really starting to wonder if I shouldn't just take the D that she's offering now because it seems completely fair (joint custody, no child support, no alimony). Dragging it out will cost me more and I might get less in the end.
However, is it possible that her L would go after child support and alimony now when their initial D filing didn't?
Last edited by Defacto; 07/17/1509:08 PM.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
I'm really starting to wonder if I shouldn't just take the D that she's offering now because it seems completely fair (joint custody, no child support, no alimony). Dragging it out will cost me more and I might get less in the end.
Defacto, I think you are one of the better DBers around. I just wanted you to know that. FWIW, I think you will ultimately be successful. Your WW talks so lovingly to you. Not like the usual temp checking. Even if you do D, don't you think she will come around?
Also FWIW, joint custody, no child support, no alimony sounds like a great deal. I would snatch it up in a second.
However, I would take whatever you think is best for you and the kids. So, if you think this offer is great, I wouldn't let you hoping for R get in the way of taking it. Yes you may R but you also may not and the terms of the D will stick by you and your children. If she's being friendly and willing to be amicable I personally would take it. As many say divorce is a piece of paper.. You two haven't been living the married life for awhile now.
And I apologize if I'm coming off harsh I just wouldn't want you to pass up a good setup for D over the hopes of R. I would hate for you to wait and things turn nasty and you end up having to fight tooth and nail for custody, etc.
Hope this makes sense
Oh and time to pull back if she's pushing D again but I'm sure you already knew I was going to say that
