So I write this whole response to you Zephyr, and then delete it by accident. Sigh.
Uugh, seriously Uugh
My H is definitely a Mr. Nice Guy. I would try to show him my appreciation by words, actions, and even gifts. Nothing seemed to ever be the right thing at the right time. I grew to hate gift giving occasions because I knew whatever I got would not be right. Either I got the wrong model, or gave it on the wrong holiday (this is more of an anniversary present than a birthday present) or I shouldn't have spent the money.
I am guilty of this as well. I've tried to express here on this site how poor of a gift getter I was over the years. I never learned how To accept gifts ...as a twin never had birthday parties or got personal gifts and I definitely never learned how to express desire for something specific. In retrospect, It is complete a$$hole behavior. Also, I expected that my wife should know what I wanted...after all she is my wife right. Good lord it sounds childish typing it...but guess what...I said this out loud many times over the years (to myself of course because a good husband would Never belittle his wife like that)
Your description helps me tremendously understand what he's going through right now. I know I have screwed up, and I know that I'm trying to fix the things that I can. I have always known I was lucky in my M and with my H, but I failed in showing him that he was always number one in my life.
You didn't fail to show him...you just weren't showing him in the way HE wanted...and oh by the way, the only thing you truely failed was to be able to read his mind to figure out what that want was. You will learn this. 5LL was very helpful. You should also add no more Mr nice guy to the list as well... It will give you some amazing insight onto your husband's mind and behaviour through the years.
Your suggestion on what to say when he does something for me is a good one. I'll try the thank you with the explanation. Not sure I'm brave enough for the kiss or the hug. He's got a pretty strong wall up.
You will do great, can't wait to hear how it goes.
Don't know why, but typing all of this now has me in tears. I just miss him and he lives in the same house.
