In which I'm feeling lost, but will perservere (2)

[Elly4]

So I write this whole response to you Zephyr, and then delete it by accident. Sigh. My H is definitely a Mr. Nice Guy. I would try to show him my appreciation by words, actions, and even gifts. Nothing seemed to ever be the right thing at the right time. I grew to hate gift giving occasions because I knew whatever I got would not be right. Either I got the wrong model, or gave it on the wrong holiday (this is more of an anniversary present than a birthday present) or I shouldn't have spent the money.

Your description helps me tremendously understand what he's going through right now. I know I have screwed up, and I know that I'm trying to fix the things that I can. I have always known I was lucky in my M and with my H, but I failed in showing him that he was always number one in my life.

Your suggestion on what to say when he does something for me is a good one. I'll try the thank you with the explanation. Not sure I'm brave enough for the kiss or the hug. He's got a pretty strong wall up.

Don't know why, but typing all of this now has me in tears. I just miss him and he lives in the same house.