Putting it all together

[PigPen]

Sorry to hear you're struggling Ralphy. I know it's shitty advice, but lean into it. Really feel it. It's ok to feel like death. One of my IC's fav questions is, "what is the depression trying to tell you?" It's a hard one to answer but shifts your focus.

What is it trying to tell you? Can you learn anything from it? Can you draw any strength from the fact that so far you've survived this entire ordeal?

Here you are, still fighting, still living, still breathing. I know it's dark man. I know how much this hurts, we all do.

Some days are going to be much worse than others and you just have to breath, try to take things minute by minute and distract yourself. I've repeated the mantra "I love you, I'm sorry, Forgive me, Thank you' over and over and over and over and over again in my head and out loud when I needed my state changed. I've done it at 2am when I woke up in a panic, and I've done it driving.

Also and this is also no fun, you may need to cry. Just get it out. Don't let the emotions stay in your body and poison you. Just get it out. Ice cream seems to help me too.

Please know that my heart goes out to you Ralphy. For whatever it's worth. There's one other guy here in the US that knows you're in a spot you don't want to be and feels for you.

Hope you feel better soon.

PP