hmmm, I chose lots of times to put others before myself...and then resented them for it. It is the whole silent contract issue where I thought if I did X I should get Y in response from wife or boss or whatever.
Now that is ALL ON ME. I cannot blame my wife for not reciprocating or appreciating me for those things I thought I should have gotten for my efforts...especially if I never really asked or spoke my desires. This is a major reason so many of the men are here. the resentment grows from all of this and eventually you stop being kind, loving and caring and instead are pi$$ed because my (unspoken) need for appreciation were not being met EVEN THOUGH I am still doing all of this for everyone. Guess what, that is BS.
Keeping score, silent contracts, unspoken desires, expectations, caregiver mentality...mr nice guys. We also hid our feelings and lied about our needs the whole time. How many times did you hear your husband utter the words, no i'm ok...even through you were certain that he wanted something, or asked him what was wrong and he said, 'nothing'.
He is just as much to blame for this. And really meeting his own needs and caring for himself are NOT YOUR JOB in the first place. Don't get me wrong, my wife had her hand. She did not respect my efforts. she did not show me appreciation for things I have done...but the door swings both ways.
That is why I asked if he offered. If he did, you should take him up on it and SHOW HIM SOME THANKS AND APPRECIATION!!! he did something nice for you. You know him better than anyone. you should know what his LL are at this point.
And I don't think asking him to do things once in a while is pursuing. I thing you guys live in the same house after all. you have some time here to make an impact. if you do ask, and he is kind enough to do it, surprise him with something he won't expect. a heart felt thank you with an 'I am so sorry I have not really shown you enough appreciation over the years for the little things that you do for me" with a soft kiss on the cheek or if you're brave a hug.
