Cali - good point about my pondering if it could be a goal to have each other use our names when comunicating. I can see your point and it would not be a true goal. I can however start using her name just to see if she would follow suit with no expectations. As you are always sayings "View her as a Science Experiment." LOL.
This week I have meditated a LOT, spent a lot of time just thinking about how to control my emotions in all areas of my life and not let Fear run my show.
I been practicing controlling my breathing and lots of different methods of staying "in the moment". I also did a lot of reading about resilence, positivity and continuing to be grateful.
I am so happy to read about the many good stories here lately!!!! So positive!!!!
W texts - can I talk to kids? I replied with ok but in about 30 minutes as we are not back yet. She replies with Ok - maybe then tomorrow as I don't feel well.
I texted back "feel better soon"
She texted again "I am still up." I called her for the kids and they talked and facetimed. I caught a glimpse or two of her. I hated to see her sick, a whole different level of pain. I am not there to take care of her.
But wait, she fired me. That's not my job anymore, I have to remind myself. So painful to see her unwell.
So hard to not text her and ask how w is feeling. It is killing me to know she is sick.
Previously I prided myself on my care giving abilities. Especially when she got sick. I went into care giver mode. Now, there is nothing I can do for her.
Why on earth would she choose to live like this? The AP doesn't live in town and can't assist her.
W gave up safety, security, love, her intact family, and a full time partner in life. All for another person who is married with a Family and doesn't believe in committed relationships. WTF.
Dropped off kids with w a day early - asked if she wanted to spend time with them she said yes.
I dropped them off - she has now striped highlighted her hair - looks awful and it is now really short. She was wearing jeans shorts and has gained more weight. I almost did not recognize her.
She barely looked at me - said oh hi how are you - and I got out of the car to assist with kids stuff. I said "Hi". So maybe 4 -5 words were exchanged. She would not look at me either. She talked to me through the kids " Did you have a good time - I am sure you did" kind of thing.
Oh well the kids were very happy to see their Mom and I told ther I know you will have a great time - see you soon. And just like that - they were gone.
I have no idea who this person is - complete stranger at this point.
I have a very cold cold feeling now - this has got to be a MLC right?
Really - devoid of anything I recognize. The hair especially - she has never done that before- ever - never had an affair before all of it so bizarre!
Hello Heavy,
I'm not sure it's a MLC, but it does sound possible. Don't let fear take over now. I can relate to your statement in an earlier post, "Previously I prided myself on my care giving abilities. Especially when she got sick. I went into care giver mode. Now, there is nothing I can do for her." But, as you also mentioned, she "fired" you. You probably remember my WAW has MS and I felt just like you. I was very proud of my care giving abilities.
She chose this path, so she has to suffer the consequences. Maybe, at some point, she'll realize how much you meant to her.
You're in my thoughts and prayers!
*Hugs*
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
My car battery died when I was picking up family from airport. I freaked as it was getting dark and I was in sketchy part of town. What did I do - texted the W - Urgent - call me. We live in a large city where I don't have any close friends or any family.
After about ten minutes she did and and we talked over the situation. I was grateful she called me back but ashamed that I had to call her for assistance. It's just so automatic that whenever something bad happened (or good) I would call her and we would walk through the issue.
I didn't know what else to do. Full blown panic attack ensued.
Since this whole thing started she has said "You can't make it without me, you've been leaning on me for a long time".
She's right. I can't make it without her. I guess I just have to relearn 20 years of how to live.
Many text messages back and forth about kids issues, shoes, bathing suits, etc.... I made a joke about "we have to stop feeding s9 so much" because he is growing out of his shoes so fast. Her reply - sounds like a plan. Cold as usual. I am trying to be upbeat and breezy. However she reacts is on her. I have no control over that.
Busy day at work, focusing on crushing it here. I have dinner plans tomorrow after work with a friend I am excited about.
It was really really good to spend time with my family. They gave me a much needed boost and keep telling me that it will be OK. I know it will be but it sure is nice to actually hear it.
So, what's the deal with W's apperance? I'm stumped with the hair changes and weight gain. Cheeseless tunnels I know, but Good Lord. Just plain weird.
Also bought jumper cables to keep in my car to be prepared. I also purchased extra car keys and door keys. I want to be prepared and not to have to rely on W for any more bail outs. I am stronger than that!!!
Sorry to hear about the car issues HD. You were in a bad situation and didn't know what else to do,it happens. Don't beat yourself up over it. Another thought is to get the jump start systems where you don't even need another car. I think I spent $50-80 each on two I have and used them each a few times already. Nice for being self reliant.
As for her hair and weight changes, she seems to just be confused in life and trying a bunch of new things to make herself happy and depressed when they dont. Ignore it, she may not even understand. Sometimes people need to do all the wrong things to realize what was right in the first place.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
