Goal to spend more quality time with my children Action not to miss out on my children's activities at school to be the father that they deserve to take them to exciting places to make them feel loved and respected every day to make them feel proud of their father not not let them down to be there for their needs to put their happiness in front of mine to be a great role model. I want to be able to look them in the eye and tell them that I am there for you when they are I n their darkest moments. I want to support them in difficult times and laugh with them I want to be the one that they call for in the night if they are sad and the one that they can talk about to their friends and their worries and say that's my dad and I love him and I am proud to have him as a dad.
Goal to do more arround the house Action my father was a terrible role model he did not do anything arround the house I do not want to turn into this man I want to be a person that people can depend on if I say I will do it then I will do it I want to be the person to do things arround the house because I want to I want to do these things knowing that they will help to make my wife's life easier I want to be able to instinctly be able to see if things need to be done and have no hesitation to just muck in and do what needs to be done Nothing should be too much effort if I have spare time and things need to be done then I will be happy to do theese things knowing full well that if I do not do it then someone else will have to and why should they.
Goal to be more healthy All my life I have been overweight I know this stems from my abusive father and his behaviour towards me I have lost my father last year and feel relief that he has gone I do not feel much sadness Action I want to loose a considerable amount of weight I want to loose weight so I do not feel so tired So I can walk and run and keep up with my children I want to loose my weight so I can play with the children I want to feel more confident about my body and not be embarrassed to remove my shirt in public I want to loose weight so that my health does not reduce my lifespan I want to be arround for the children and my wife I want to feel a normal size and I do moto know what normal is I want to be able to buy the cloths that will make me look desirable and not go to the xxxl size stores or live in baggy joggers I want to loose weight sensible by eating sensibly smaller meals and by exercising I want to loose weight so my children do not feel embarrassed by their father I want to loose weitght so my wife loves the man that I becomes want to loose weight for myself and not because other people tell me I should I want to be able to go swimming and not feel embarrassed I want to be able to go paint balling with my son and know that they will have a jumpsuit that fits me and not be turned away I want to be healthy and slimmer so when I go to theme rides I can actually fit Iinto the cart and not worry about what other people may be saying about me behind my back. It is easy for me to loose weight no longer will I go back for seconds and my plate of food will be no larger than anyone else's I want to feel good about myself I want to loose 10 lbs before my birthday in August and then a further 10 lbs each and every month until I have reached the weight that I want to be at
Goal to coexist in the same house Action I do not want to coexist or just exist I want to feel the love of my wife working together showing our children the love and the respect that they all deserve I want to be there for my wife offer my support and my love I want to wake,up with my wife and fall asleep next to her I want to be supportive to my wife I want to start to use the time I have to reconnect with my wife and I will know this is happening when she asks to do something together as a couple I have no control of what my wife does or chooses to do Whilst living together I want to show everyone happiness I do want to control my emotions I will scale this I do not want to be clingy or moodie I do not want to be needy I can depend on myself to get things done and I do not need to rely on anyone else
Goal to be a better person I have friends who I have not seen in a long time I am scared that the time I have left should be spent with my wife every moment as once this time has passed and she has left me then I will not have this time again
I am possessive of my wife she has the looks and she has confidence I have always feared this day would come and I am scared of loosing her and being alone
Yet I realise that I have no control of her she has to make decisions for her own needs I do not own her and I cannot control her her decisions are her own
My hobbie is tennis and I have always put this in front of my family's needs it became an addiction I love to play but need to be able to control the addiction to put it before my family
I have been selfish in the past putting my needs before my wife and my children
I know I can only change myself and I want to be in control of my feelings I want to be happy not scared I want to offer my love and affection to my family and to be a dependable father and husband.
I can only measure this by the warmth and response of my family towards me to GAL for me has been to see friends and play tennis my time,is split between GAL and spending the time ...quality time with my family
My son eldest played a lot of tennis 3 or 4 evenings a week and he also sometimes plays at the weekend in matches my time is very much spent with him can I GAL outside this I do not know so much time is spent with him
I am trying to be more specific but I know I still have to look deeper into myself
Thank you Gary
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
Baby woke this morning and she came into our old bedroom and she sat in our bed with our 2 year old I was downstairs and came up and we chatted about the day plans for the 2 year old I left the room and took toddler down stairs when normally I would sit and wait for W to leave room
Small steps
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
Time seems to be going by quickly it is nearly one month W asked to separate
Last night I was stqrting to de clutter home office in preparation to turn it into a bedroom for one of us
She thinks she should move into the office with a bed in it as she was the one that asked for the separation
I feel bad staying in the bedroom that we shared fo so many years she is not bothered
Was able to do something a little different today normally just make cereal for the toddler but today I decided on boiled egg nt something that we have ever done W was like Wow baby what has Daddy made for you
I know it means little but for me it is the first time I have made eggs for her my W has never done this a far as I know
Small steps
Gary
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
Please can anyone advise me if my goal setting is what it should be I an trying to take on board as much as I can from the forum but head is spinning all the time
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
Ghost, I would recommend that you stay in the MBR instead of your W. It exudes weakness to leave your own bed.
As far as goal setting, start small and achievable. It would be foolish to have so many goals and not be able to achieve any because you overreached. Don't get overwhelmed. You have a lot of time to work on yourself. However, start on your goals now.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Ghost, I would recommend that you stay in the MBR instead of your W. It exudes weakness to leave your own bed.
As far as goal setting, start small and achievable. It would be foolish to have so many goals and not be able to achieve any because you overreached. Don't get overwhelmed. You have a lot of time to work on yourself. However, start on your goals now.
I think it's ok to have a lot of goals. But you have to be able to be concrete in what you want to achieve. How can you know if you have achieved "I want to be less moody"?
Ok so this afternoon i try to unlock her iPad so my 2 year old can watch BBC I player like she has been doing for the past 6 months only to find she has changed the password
Now I am thinking what is she hiding
I just feel like asking her if she did it because she does not trust me I know this would not be a good idea but less t Han 1 month ago we were a couple and now she has done this
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
Don't ask her anything. If she's hiding something, she's not going to tell you.
Verify independently.
Purchase and hide a voice activated digital recorder or two around the house or in her car where she is most likely to carry on a cell phone conversation when you aren't around.
You can return the recorders within 30 days (or more) at most stores if you discover nothing is going on.
Asking her resolves nothing because you'll still be suspicious and she'll be tipped off towards being more careful.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
