Gah! I am very emotional this week. And that is not normal for me. I'm very even keel by nature.
I'm still feeling bursts of anger about STBX. I know some of this is misplaced grief, but part of me thinks that I jumped to possible solutions so quickly after BD, that I just never let myself fully feel the anger. And in the succeeding year - every time I get angry at him - I have actively tried to bat it down. I don't want to wallow in anger - but I think I'm going sit with it for awhile this time.
The emotions aren't just welling up about STBX. Last night I was at a coaches meeting for the upcoming soccer season. I know the board member are all volunteers and do their best - but- good grief- it was a disorganized mess. It was supposed to end at 7:45 and we didn't get out of there until 9:15 (and there was still a load of unfinished business). Normally, I find that kind of situation bemusing, but last night I. just. was. not. having. it. At the end when we were lining up to sign up for our field and practice selection (after a ridiculously lengthy "lottery") and everyone was just ambling around with no direction, my blood finally boiled and I just took over - totally unlike me.
Anyway- This morning I am winding my way through my online course on business statistics which I will need before beginning my graduate program. Apparently, the astronomy class I took 25 years ago to get out of my math requirement (I was a history major) won't cut it.
I also applied for a position with the hospital that is in my town- the job description sounds tailor made for me. If I got it - I would get a an hour and a half of commuting time back daily. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I will score an interview (I always feel I have a pretty sporting chance if I at least get to the interview stage). Hopefully it isn't something they posted that is already pegged for an internal candidate.
I know I'll get through all of this. Yesterday, I read an article about some people who react to tragedies in their life by accomplishing meaningful things in what is termed "Post Traumatic Growth". So I guess I can head that direction or I can brood on what has happened, get stuck and be bitter. I sure as h*** know which direction I want to go.
