Correct. And you also need to remember that if YOU decide to let him go (leave) over HIM violating one of your core boundaries, then staying wouldn't have been an option anyway, kwim? I mean, if you really WON'T live in an open marriage, and he won't end the affair, and you draw that boundary and he crosses it, then staying in that kind of situation wasn't a viable option for you ANYWAY, right?
Your own integrity, happiness and health is more important to you than the marriage.
Now . . that doesn't make ANY of that any EASIER, but it does add CLARITY, I think.
Starsky
Okay, wrapping my head around this. I have had to reread it many times.
I think my dilemma now is if all my evidence gathering points to them maintaining a friendship rather than anything romantic. I know it is inappropriate due to the fact that he had fallen in love with his woman while having an affair with her & he is not setting up healthy boundaries to keep another affair from happening.... and I am totally planning to state all this to him. But am I willing to leave if it is just them chatting? Am I willing to stay in the relationship w/ the suspicion over my head that it could turn into an all out affair at any point (& I may or may not find out about it). I think the answer is to probably to leave... but why do I wish he would just all out have an affair to make it easier for me to make that decision?
Because "black" or "white" is always clearer than "gray."
I will say however that what they're doing is some pretty DARK, gray.
