hold on! - 11

[u-turn]

Thanks V - I can just picture packing up the kids, heading east. D15 would LOVE this - this would be a great adventure. S17 would go along begrudgingly - maybe if there is some fishing involved he would be on board. Honey ice cream may do it too (I think honey ice cream sounds great too - I don't think that is a thing here).

I said to D15 this morning "let's go to England" she said ok. It's a done deal.

I can always be tempted with cheese and vino.

You are the best - I hope you are resting and healing.

----

Those unspoken boundaries - I/we never spoke of boundaries because they were unneeded. I thought/assumed that everyone knows how to treat other people, everyone knows that when you get married, there are those vows - enough said. Neither of us had a list of rules to follow with each other - if there needed to be a list of rules, then it is not a good relationship, it is a business contract.

I understand more now - it is worth talking about in a R - these rules are not about control. I have boundaries / W or future W will have boundaries (more than likely these boundaries will be the same for each of us - if not, then we probably are not compatible.)

The only spoken boundary that I mentioned was "no open marriage...." I only said this to her after it was too late - after I was here and learned about boundaries. This was never worth talking about before - as this was really as far away as I could imagine being. It was understood. (I really don't believe it would have made any difference if we spoke about this boundary during our marriage - this probably still would have happened).

Anyway - how am I going to let go of the resentment - I don't have an answer for that. I spoke with IC about this last night. I guess my quick answer would be to put enough time between this situation and the end (outcome) and hope it is diluted enough to deal with it. This is not working for me these days though. I don't think there is any point to speaking to W about these unspoken boundaries now. It may only be stating what is painfully obvious to me, she would agree with them, she would say she wants the same thing, but yet it would have no affect on her or the situation.

I am thinking on this and hope to give you a more complete answer soon. I'm feeling rather down lately. I have tried to respond to you, cali, Jb but just delete them after I write them.
Thanks