[BrightFuture]

I typed half of the reply the other day and then lost it, sigh… Oh well…

Thanks every one. I really appreciate your thoughts.

Lifes Twists, it is good to know that I’m not the only one who is not doing anything more about separating stuff. I’ve been following your sitch (even though I don’t post much), and I’m so happy to see some “movements” in the right direction.

Ggrass, you’ve been here for some time too, I’ve read your posts and I think you are more than qualified to comment. I really appreciate you stopping by. I really didn’t mean to single out your post. Job is right, I was frustrated, so I reacted…

Job, thanks for coming back and posting to me. You are so right, I was/am frustrated. This goes in waves, and when it hits me, it hits me hard. I’m going to take your advice very seriously to only take away from the postings what I can apply for me. I don’t know if I can always follow it. I tend to get easily discouraged and also easily encouraged even after a small comment.

Job, your words about caring about me made me tear up. You have so much compassion and patience.

I’ve been thinking about IC recently. I just know it didn’t work for me in the past. I don’t want to join any D support groups. I cannot really explain why, but something inside me is very opposed to this.

LiveNow, I was so happy to read your update on your thread and here as well. I hope I’m where you are soon. I don’t know if I need to get a D for that and move to a different place. I don’t know if it will work me. I love where I live, even though there are memories here, I’m starting to replace them with new once. I think I consider this house my own now. And you are right, I’ve been doing pretty good in terms of having life, making friends, supporting myself and making plans for the future. I just cannot shake off that last piece of “connection”, it seems.

FY, as always, thanks for your support and words of encouragement. I think subconsciously I’m trying really hard not to give up. Something is preventing me from giving up… I will not know until I know…

Now, back what all of you said, about doing something different… about taking an action…
I’ve been thinking really hard about that. I actually did something different a few weeks ago when I sent H a cheerful e-mail when I sent him the company file back. I’ve got silence in response… It might have made him more distant again… Hence the dry texts after that. It might have correlated with his crazy trip to his home town, then to my town, back to his home town, and then to the state where he currently works. And, the potential ow with all that.

Bright, I'm going to put something out here for you to think about and I could be totally off base, but maybe your h thinks you don't care about him or what he's doing. Maybe things that he's been putting on FB could be to see if he would get a reaction out of you. Maybe he doesn't know how to open the door and step over the threshold to reach out to you because he knows he's done some stupid stuff and hurt you. Sometimes we have to take the first step to help them find a way back to us.

Job, I’ve been kind of thinking the same thoughts, that H thinks that I don’t care about him and that I have my own life now. Actually, I don’t see his FB timeline, he made it more private at some point, maybe after he discovered that I was on FB too.

I think you are right, even if he has thoughts of opening the door, he is probably too reluctant to make the first step. But… at the same time, I think he is just too stubborn to recognize his mistakes and do something about it. I think he will continue on his path to destruction…

Back to the point of me making any kind of move. I just don’t feel I can do it right now. I feel that I still have some anger to process and issues to deal with… within myself. I want to feel completely free when and if I approach H with any kind of message. In a way, I feel like I’m still hiding behind my and his inaction, if it makes any sense. I need to get rid of this frustration I’ve been having in order to have somewhat clear dialog with H. Does it make sense? I’m frustrated with myself too, because it seems I still cannot reach that point.

You all made me think… I will start looking into possibilities to do something… Truth darts… Reality check … Asking him how he is doing… etc… Thank you, thank you, thank you all again for your comments.