Heading toward affair- what to do?

[hopeOK]

Ok. I appreciate your feedback about the emails. Makes sense. They seem to lead us into a black hole anyway.

I also appreciate you saying that I do need to know right now what to do. I think that is a big struggle for me... I feel like I need to have it all planned out in my head & account for every little possible thing that could happen as a result. So I can state that I will not live like that and then say we have some big decisions to make and leave it at that for a time. Then figure out what those things are.

Let HIM wonder what those are, and start to realize that he's not the only one calling the shots in the marriage anymore. And he SHOULDN'T be, because in his current state he doesn't have the marriage's (or your family's) best interests at heart right now. So that needs to be YOU.
Starsky

You are so right. I can make decisions too rather just waiting to see what he is going to do. But I guess I am really worried about it coming to the decision to leave. But I don't have to make that decision right now. I need to remember that.

Thank you so much for all your help. I feel so lost.