I have found myself in the same situation as many

[ATPeace]

I think this quote from your post describes the problem in a nutshell.

The only time he wanted to be close to me with when he wanted something in the bedroom and I started to feel used I did not want to be just an Object for his needs

He did less and less with me and our children and he did not show them the love that he should have

Well three years ago I told him how unhappy I was and told him that if things did not get better then I would leave.

I got pregnant after getting back with him 3 years ago and sure enough he fell back into his old ways

Was this an unplanned pregnancy? Did you see the pregnancy as some kind of insurance to keep her from leaving? No we always talked about having 4 children us getting back together we did talk about having another baby perhaps we both wanted it to happen

So my wife seems to be disconnecting herself from me at an alarming rate

The disconnection was already there. Those talks she had about you not helping around the house or with the kids....that was her wanting to have connection! She wanted you involved in the family/home. Now she is done with it. Talk your head off.....it will only speed up a D. Housework will not bust a D. So, if it doesn't work, what do you do? I am happy to do the house work and spend quality time with our children the baby is beautiful and I am really starting to create a better Bond this is what I want to do I do not expect me,doing the dishes will bring her back I inownasap a permanent change is what I have to action.

For me this is all quite new she only dropped the bomb 3 and a bit weeks ago but for her she says that she has been feeling lonley for a number of years I guess she has been working to this point for quite some time which perhaps makes this easier for her right now ....I do not know if this is the cause or not she does seem to be coping with this much better than I am

Yes, that is much of the way it is. She has already grieved over the loss of dreams in you as her H. She has already cried her tears and spent her lonely times. She has had her time of feeling the hurt caused by you. Now, she's ready for a different life. The two of you are in different time slots. You have been bombed and it woke you up. She feels she died a slow death and now is completely done. Just b/c you are finally awake.....does nothing for her. Can you understand? No matter how much you plead, cry, or promise....it will not wake her up. So what do you do? I do understand this

You are already freaking out just thinking about her dating some day soon. How are you going to deal with it while living under the same roof? Yes, there are some advantages staying in the same house while S, but there are some definite disadvantages, too. Since you are in the same house, what is your plan in how to deal with the dating situation?

The hard, cold truth is that you need to become a different man from the way you are right now. Stop trying to change her mind. Stop fighting with her and trying to convince her to stay in the M. If you become the kind of man she finds attractive, you won't have to talk her into changing her mind. How can you make that happen?

She needs to see you as though for the first time. Maybe you need to see her with different eyes, too. Marrying young isn't so hard to do. It's decades later when you are trying to stay together that it gets hard.