One more question: are there accounts of some of them needing to be "led" more than others do?

At some point I read that there are moments they are so lost/childlike that you can sort of hypnotize them. Oftentimes I have noticed my H does follow along more than rebel.

If I say out loud the kids need to do chores more, over the next few days he will say the exact same. Sometimes he repeats what I say verbatim. When I said I needed to fix my son's bike son, next day H fixed something in house.

At one point H became friends with a guy who had shady character (in relationships and in financial dealings). In height of replay H decided to go away with his guy and I very kindly told him to have fun but that I thought he was cut from a different cloth than this guy. He looked hypnotized by this. Exact thing I would say to my 12 year old. He stopped hanging around with him after that weekend.

Any thoughts/experiences with this? Seems like he is sometimes looking for how he is supposed to act.

Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced