Thank you, HurtJef. I will be sure to add you to my prayers, as well.
And sandi2, thank you for responding. I used to go to counseling at the VA, but I stopped, for a variety of reasons I'd rather not go into. Anyway, I went to see a Christain MH counselor last night and am getting ready to call to make my follow-up appointment for next week. I finally recognize that I need to get a handle on some of the things I've kept buried.
I know I can't change her mind or heart... only she can do that. It's just so hard to stop myself from the 'pursuing' and the 'reasoning'. It's like I've finally found the way to jump-start my own happiness, and the one person I wish I could share these feelings with, couldn't care less. That's what she wanted all along, but I just didn't see it. I've been beating myself up for being so blind and deaf to her needs, and to my own needs. I wish I could have had this revelation so much sooner.
That makes the detaching even more difficult. Plus, I'm afraid that after pushing her so far away, that by detaching, she'll see that as just pushing her away even more.
I just hope she watches me. And slows down just a little on the D path. She went to talk to a lawyer today, so not sure what she found out. She has also been rushing to sell our home. Waiting to hear more on that.
What scares me the most is when she said: "I can't get away from you fast enough." I think she is having second thoughts, but is trying to rush to keep herself from caving.
I'm in this for the long haul. Even if our marriage ends, I know we'll both be "ok"... but I just know that we could be so much better together.
