hey guys. having issues trying to figure out how to breach the subject of finances and overspending habits of 'our family' with the wife.
this has been a problem for some time and I've been able to manage things. but since the whole college thing have been going on, the extra cushion I've had kinda built in, the debt is starting to pile up. i knew things would get bad for the couple of years through college but i didn't imaging they would start to drift so rapidly.
I do not want to put this all on wife for college. I ABSOLUTELY supported the decision and want her to understand that this is not the issue. the issue is just normal overspending. say if you go to target to pick up 50 dollars worth of groc's and leave with $125 worth of stuff...over and over it adds up.
every time I've breached the subject in the past (has been a while) the topic ALLWAYS ends up on the house and how it is such mistake. this is one of her go to topics as far as blaming me for the house and it is a huge source of resentment. our mortgage is ~30% of our income so it is not out of line from what i'd expect.
we had a bad spring with necessary purchases (tree service, car service, extra medical bills) which I get. but then there is no hesitation to maintain spending patterns. wife does understand and even jokes while shopping 'I really have a problem' or 'i am just terrible' when it comes to buying stuff she wants and may not really needs.
I don't want this to be a confrontation. I don't want this to be accusatory, because I have supported her in this. I also have tried to be more 'understanding' with spending as a minor 180 insofar as I was a tyrant for a long time about not going out to eat or not spending a dime on myself to try to save family money or discouraging having a good time to save some dough. wife works very hard and earns her share...so i am not trying to 'tell her' what she can and can't do on spending.
I am part of the issue here. I have bought myself things here and there, spent money on guitar lessons and I have been more amiable about eating out. I cook 100% of the meals if we don't eat out and honestly I don't like to cook every day. I have also actually encouraged her to 'go ahead and buy that dress if you want' in an effort to not be such a tight wad.
Any advice on how to breach this subject would be appreciated.
one issue I've had as a person is to hide these sorts of problems and just try to fix them on my own. that is not fair to me and it is not fair to my wife to hide the financial situation from her. i think it was in one of the Harley books that talked about being open and honesty as a need for wife from husband...hiding things like this is not honesty.
a topic for another day, i am actually growing weary of having to hide feelings from wife. if there is something that may be bothering me, i cannot tell her what is bugging me. i cannot voice my dissatisfaction with her in our current relationship state. it is all part of the 'more of the same from Zephyr about hiding true feelings as the "nice guy" syndrome that i am trying to break'
