We did have plans to discuss some things last night once we both returned, things that needed to be discussed about upcoming living arrangements and securing transportation for my younger son. What the conversation really turned into, though, was a fishing expedition on her part - the now familiar "what do you know about OW" conversation. All I said was that it didn't matter what I knew or didn't know, if she were to hear anything directly from me, no good could come of it.
Then she started yelling: "OW couldn't sleep at all last night, she was pacing and racking her brain, trying to figure out what awful thing she could possibly have done that you know about!"
Poor OW, so concerned what the W of the family she destroyed might think about her, this is unfortunate. I recall in the heat of my W's A she had a similar tone, telling me OM was a "Good and decent man" my replay (By God's grace I always have been quick) was "Oh I am certain he is of the highest caliber chasing after a married woman while he himself is married ... but I am sure you will be different and he will be loyal to you, none of those girls he trains could possibly interest a man of his high caliber"
Dif ... Truth dart her on her chit ... seriously.
Originally Posted By: DifRent
(I found this assertion strange: if my conscience were clear about my behavior, I certainly wouldn't let doubts about my behavior keep me up at night.)
"She even said, 'you know what, I'm going to confront Dif directly about this!'"
To which I simply could not resist responding - "OH NO, NOT HERE SHE WON'T! BUT IF SHE WANTS TO CONFRONT ME SOMEWHERE ELSE, TELL HER TO BRING IT ON! THOUGH IT DOESN'T MATTER - SHE NEVER WILL. SHE'S A COWARD." "I have nothing to say to OW, she and her actions are beneath me."
Clearly, this just kept the heat on. Good job with the DBing, Dif.
Heat of the moment stuff ... pffft we all have been there, I had the epic melt down I refer to as 'Halloween-Backslide 2014' When I called her out on her A in between S's trick-or-treats. Don't even worry about it .. you lose your temper now n then when your W cheats .. you get a hall pass here.
Originally Posted By: DifRent
Because then came all this familiar pap: "Have you ever considered that I might actually I love her? No one has ever made me feel this way. It's getting very serious between us, you have no idea. You are just being unreasonable about our breakup. You're just trying to make me leave her and come back to you. We are over, done, relationships don't work out all the time. You just need to accept this. I don't love you anymore."
Another chance here for a dart Dif, especially if she goes to this often .. something along the lines of "I am sure you are completely happy with her, you are right I have no idea how serious it must be. I do know this. I deserve better than this, after everything you and I have been through for it to happen this way, you having an affair, for you to disrespect me, our family and or M, yes ... I am certain I deserve better." Drop that and walk.
Start showing strength and taking a stance on right and wrong and calling that affair out for what it is.
Originally Posted By: DifRent
This morning before work, I asked if we could talk again because I didn't want the bitterness of last night to linger. I told her that I was sorry for any harsh words, but that I find completely disrespectful her downplaying the significance of this event - this divorce, not a "breakup." She started to get mad at me again, but after conveying that only the most hardened heart would not be utterly devastated by what she's done, she seemed to back down and retreat. Her tone really did soften in response to a separation concession I requested. I sensed guilt. She suggested that later we take a ride in her "new" car. I ignored the suggestion.
And just now, she's up in her office, I'm downstairs. When I came in the door, she said, "Hon, is that you?" "You're done with work, hon?" "How was work today, hon?" All those terms of endearment that I'm supposed to stop using, her working overtime to not be so cold instead of working overtime to not be so warm, lest I "misinterpret her kindness as a sign of wanting to get back together."
I have my divorce support group tonight, grateful for that. And I think both my boys are off work - might ask if they want to grab an early dinner somewhere. Cali, I think the OW's daughter is in town, so odds are good my W will be sleeping here at home this week, and be around more often than she's been. A challenge and an opportunity, I guess. But on Sunday, I'm leaving here to spend a week with my friend in the next town over while her husband is away. I need the space, and WW needs to feel the absence.
And I know, I know... I need to focus on me. Prayers for her, actions for me.
So she feels guilt and up's the nicey nice approach knowing thats your button, how to get you off her back.
Dif .. again .. yeah detach, toss your truth darts and just let em stick. You are doing what you know is right in her heart ... even she is questioning it though would NEVER tell you right now because that would be admitting this whole A was a mistake.
Truth is no M can compete with the A, once the honeymoon phase is over and your W smells that OW does in fact not wake up perfect of with breathe that smells of elderberries ... then all the smoke and mirrors start showing true colors ... you just have to allow those seeds and the A to run its course .. stay out of the way it will die off without your help... more importantly it needs to
