New marriage over pt2--help she's filing this week

[Aj8]

So after getting the divorce papers I went out with some friends last night was having a great time-then one of my friends wife who still I guess is on my wife's Facebook texts me a screenshot of my wife's post where she's saying that she's filed the D papers (again making it super public) and how she's at "peace finally, and looking forward to getting her life back." Almost ruined my night I don't want to see that stuff and told my wife's friend I don't want to know what she's doing /says my , etc.

Luckily my buddies helped me out to forget about it

[Matt777]

Yep, that [censored]. But it's really nothing new. Keep doing what you're doing.

[ralphy]

Good ol' Facebook...haven't been on there in over a month. W and I thankfully don't discuss our personal lives on there anyway.

Aj...stay strong and keep a PMA. Do not get sucked into this. I know it's hard to believe any of this is going to get better, but it will and it does. Just keep detached and be the best Aj you've ever been right now.

[ralphy]

Keep reminding yourself with each childish act she pulls that this is NOT someone you want to be with. The old her is gone now...imagine as though she moved to France or something. The new her is not who you love or want to be with.

[Aj8]

Thanks Ralphy/Matt, spoke to several marriage counselors , they confirmed what I thought , she's moved on and won't be back-her words/actions all have been done , she never even communicates with me or wants to see me (been almost 2 months now) and when a wife does this she's moved on permanently and I'm just chasing dreams if I even think there's a chance. This board helped me detach and work on myself , which i will continue to do but the marriage and women I loved is gone ..

[Bob723]

Hey Aj8,

I am very sorry to hear this. I will say a prayer for you right after this post.

Peace, my friend. Peace.

Bob

[Matt777]

Thanks Ralphy/Matt, spoke to several marriage counselors , they confirmed what I thought , she's moved on and won't be back-her words/actions all have been done , she never even communicates with me or wants to see me (been almost 2 months now) and when a wife does this she's moved on permanently and I'm just chasing dreams if I even think there's a chance. This board helped me detach and work on myself , which i will continue to do but the marriage and women I loved is gone ..

This is garbage advice. Where's the line to say she has "moved on" - 3 days? A week? A month? She's mad, yes. Clearly. And hurt. But who's to say tomorrow she won't wake up wanting to R.

That's why, ultimately, we, as LBS's hold the power. At any time, we can let go and decide to be done. But is that what you WANT?

[Aj8]

Matt I want my wife back but it's not going to happen and I can heal faster not holding on to this "hope."

So It was a group session with three marriage counselors , after hearing my story and my wife's actions/words they all agreed it's past being angry ,she has shown she knows what she wants , out of the marriage, no turning back.

I told them about DB, they said in my situation with nothing linking us together longterm(kids, property,etc.) her detachment is easier and she's shown she's moved on .

They said DB is healthy in that you do positive changes for yourself and hold hope the W (or H) will come back but in all reality as one improves themselves and detaches, etc., and the spouse doesn't come back , you've already gone through the "healing" process and can move on . They summarized DB as therapy to move on . In my case I can see where they are right , wife has made no attempt to even talk/see me and the speed of her filing/moving out , announcing to everyone (including fb) reinforces that . well on to healing

[Matt777]

I've been here 3 months. I'm not going to convince you against three degrees professionals. But in my opinion, there is no benefit to worrying about what your W may or may not be doing or thinking. She's done. She's moved on....what difference does it make? No, you don't have kids. But you do have a 7 year relationship and a marriage.

My wife is pushing to file as fast as possible and making NC with me - my coach suggested this is because she is hurt and confused and doesn't want to face "the decision" longer than necessary.

Honestly, it sounds like you are seeking permission/approval to start dating. Otherwise, I don't see what difference any of the "moving on" talk makes.

[Aj8]

Not about me wanting to date , I love my wife heart and soul, but as the counselors said I shouldn't cling to any hope , they've seen my situation before and the wife never comes back.