A new thread - My W's OW, the Predator

[DifRent]

Cali, you always know what to say to help me adjust my perspective on things. I never had heard the term "affair down..." actually, maybe I have seen it here but didn't know what it meant. It really is true, though, huh?

Here's a little more detail from yesterday and this morning:

Last night, I came back from work and she was in "our" bedroom, packing clothes. She greeted me somewhat coldly. I cleaned up and went to head back out the door to meet this young woman for dinner. (Wound up being dinner, not just drinks! But also, I'd say, not a date.) She quickly asked, "Where are you going?" "I have plans," was all I said. Not that it should have mattered - she was heading out to show houses herself at the same time I was having dinner.

"When we come back, we talk?" she asked.

We did have plans to discuss some things last night once we both returned, things that needed to be discussed about upcoming living arrangements and securing transportation for my younger son. What the conversation really turned into, though, was a fishing expedition on her part - the now familiar "what do you know about OW" conversation. All I said was that it didn't matter what I knew or didn't know, if she were to hear anything directly from me, no good could come of it.

Then she started yelling: "OW couldn't sleep at all last night, she was pacing and racking her brain, trying to figure out what awful thing she could possibly have done that you know about!"

(I found this assertion strange: if my conscience were clear about my behavior, I certainly wouldn't let doubts about my behavior keep me up at night.)

"She even said, 'you know what, I'm going to confront Dif directly about this!'"

To which I simply could not resist responding - "OH NO, NOT HERE SHE WON'T! BUT IF SHE WANTS TO CONFRONT ME SOMEWHERE ELSE, TELL HER TO BRING IT ON! THOUGH IT DOESN'T MATTER - SHE NEVER WILL. SHE'S A COWARD."

Clearly, this just kept the heat on. Good job with the DBing, Dif.

Because then came all this familiar pap: "Have you ever considered that I might actually I love her? No one has ever made me feel this way. It's getting very serious between us, you have no idea. You are just being unreasonable about our breakup. You're just trying to make me leave her and come back to you. We are over, done, relationships don't work out all the time. You just need to accept this. I don't love you anymore."

I really wasn't engaging her much, except when she made a disparaging remark about how I'm praying for her. And when she told me to stop calling her terms of endearment like "babe" and "hon." I said I will always pray for her, and those terms are so natural, I can't help using them.

We went to bed angry - it was interesting that she went to bed upstairs.

This morning before work, I asked if we could talk again because I didn't want the bitterness of last night to linger. I told her that I was sorry for any harsh words, but that I find completely disrespectful her downplaying the significance of this event - this divorce, not a "breakup." She started to get mad at me again, but after conveying that only the most hardened heart would not be utterly devastated by what she's done, she seemed to back down and retreat. Her tone really did soften in response to a separation concession I requested. I sensed guilt. She suggested that later we take a ride in her "new" car. I ignored the suggestion.

And just now, she's up in her office, I'm downstairs. When I came in the door, she said, "Hon, is that you?" "You're done with work, hon?" "How was work today, hon?" All those terms of endearment that I'm supposed to stop using, her working overtime to not be so cold instead of working overtime to not be so warm, lest I "misinterpret her kindness as a sign of wanting to get back together."

I have my divorce support group tonight, grateful for that. And I think both my boys are off work - might ask if they want to grab an early dinner somewhere. Cali, I think the OW's daughter is in town, so odds are good my W will be sleeping here at home this week, and be around more often than she's been. A challenge and an opportunity, I guess. But on Sunday, I'm leaving here to spend a week with my friend in the next town over while her husband is away. I need the space, and WW needs to feel the absence.

And I know, I know... I need to focus on me. Prayers for her, actions for me.