Zelda - Goodbye my almost lover, my hopeless dream

[Vanilla]

Z

You may find writing it all in a letter really useful, then keep the letter for one week.

Reread and rewrite.

Then blow your nose on it, use as loo paper and burn. Any horrible thing you can.

Then write a love letter to Z from Z with the opposite statements, kiss put doodles, scent and rose petals.

Post to yourself

Rough Draft

Dear Z,

You are remarkable, brave and kind. Someone capable of great love and hope. A woman who deserves the very best that life has to offer.

Just recently you have had great difficulty with a WH who does not deserve you, not even to be in the same room as you are as he is. You have let him go and all the bad things he did are leaving you.
................ More lovely stuff
Just to tell you Z that I love you, am your best friend and I am Z

Z

Starter from me

V

[WhyUs]

Z, thank you for sharing. As you have read in my posts my wife tells me me I am vebally and emotionally abusive. I am certain I have never done anything close your what your WH has done. However, this does shine a light on how unhealthy my W and I have become. I wonder now if she is afraid we will get to the point hour WH is one day. Perhaps her affair was once she was out the door mentally and knew she was never coming back. I know I would have been receptive to help if She told me how she felt. By that time the affair had started and now now she wont stop. She has headed down the road of divorce and does not seem to be looking back.
I wish I could offer advice on your sitch. If you feel your husband really loves you but is sick I can understand. However, if he refuses help IDK what you can do.

I will say that I am affraid to admit any wrong doing to my wife because I am affraid she will use it against me. I tried this before and it just back fired.

[WhyUs]

Zelda,

I put a question on my thread for you and V.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...687#Post2587687

I am hoping to gain some insight on how to make changes to help my W come back to the table.

[Zelda09]

I'm sitting on the letter I wrote trying to evaluate my reasons for sending it and outcomes.

A) I want to call him out on the duplicity/authenticity issues - remind him this is about how he treated me and he was done. Disingenuous to say I wanted the D,
B) business like let him know my experience and how it doesn't look like a conflicted man over D
C) express myself to him.
D) let him know there was no one else.

1) he says ok let's talk (crap. I may never find my way back to dodging this bullet.)
2) he says a lot of mean nasty twisty things and I hurt some more
3) it's ignored and I wnd up D soon.

Does a story like mine ever end up happily ever after? Do Lifetime movies (but I loooove him) ever have happy endings where sick ppl become well adjusted and the sun shines again?

[Zelda09]

Ps, thanks V. Very sweet. Definitely feeling loved.

[TLEE86]

Z....I wish I could talk to you IRL. I feel the same emotions...its crazy. Ive debated on writing a letter, asking, begging, demanding some kind of explanation for her actions and whats going on...3 weeks ago she put her ring on for the first time in 10 months...now were getting D....was she really just using me for the money? Just like was your H really just in it for the settlement check? Or was there part of it that was real...i don't know.... =(

I guess to answer your question...Z...if you picked any of those options...and any of the outcomes...will it bring H back right now? To what end..give you closure? Are you sure that H will even tell you the truth? Will he even speak in a clear, level headed, honest to God this is how I feel manner?

I don't think so...I want the same things...if anything just an explanation, some closure on what is happening/happened...but even if she picked up the phone, I don't think she's in a state to even talk about it or would even tell me how she really truthfully feels. For me, this is the worst point in my situation...and although I am desperate to call her, text her, email her...ask her anything just to hear her voice and get some kind of explanation and closure from her..she just wont give me what i want..

I don't think writing a letter to your H will do you any good. I just doubt that your H is in a position to say anything to you that will make you feel better or ok with what happened.

i don't know if these things ever have happy outcomes. Right now I'm convinced it will for the other person but not for me. I guess we can just drive on and see what happens. Sorry if this response is cold/blunt/sad/insert word here. Thinking about you Z.

[Zelda09]

No TLEE, it's perfect.
We can see each other's situations clearly because we don't have the love drug chemicals/emotions attached. All that remains is rational.

[Zelda09]

My H contacted our MC/my IC after he signed in Thurs and asked for a call back.
She wanted to clear it with me, before she did, and I told her that was fine.

We agreed that I should not send the letter, because it is more of me trying to solve problems indirectly. If he wants to make an effort, I will listen and consider, but as long as he is talking to everyone but me, I am moving forward with this divorce.

[Vanilla]

Z

Trust you are enjoying some sunshine

V

[Zelda09]

I messed up. I wrote him. Explained that I was surprised and sad to learn he claims not to understand why this is happening. And that I wanted a D. I wrote him with nothing but facts and his words, actions to me, to explain why I finally quit fighting for our M and wanted him to sign - but no, this wasn't what I wanted, and I felt I fought like hell for my M up until that day in the cafe when he told me I subconsciously wanted to be treated that way and he was going to sleep around. That is begged him that day to consider counseling and he wasn't interested. I told him that despite his accusations of my cheating, there is no one. These were all things he's claimed to not know, understand, etc. and I hoped the letter was helpful in that regard.

His response was to say he disagreed, didn't trust me, it felt like legal posturing and it was pointless to discuss details and painful to hear from me.

I shouldn't have done it. Wish I hadn't. But it didn't stop me from responding that we were a no fault state, that none of this was legal or would be spoken if at our hearing, it was the truth between him and I. I broke down and admitted that I pushed him to finish it because I didn't want to play games after everything he did and I wanted to get out of purgatory, the days I hoped he delayed because he was considering what he was doing.

So. Let me recommend NC to all. I just opened up an almost healed wound.