So I read the latest part of your sitch. A few things jumped out at me and I wanted to just say some things ... things I learned as like you, looking back I made some mistakes that cost me alot of pain for longer than I should have allowed.
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But I'm really struggling right now. I know this is normal, but I'm questioning whether I can forgive the EA(PA?), (or even whether its over or not)
A few threads ago on my sitch there was a great debate about forgiveness. I think along the lines that forgiveness is more for us than it is our WAS, as all that only weighs us down right? So I looked at it this way and decided to 'forgive' more to let myself be free. I will be honest, I think this was more 25% true forgiveness and 75% tossing those feelings associated with all the hurts and pain into a box because when my W did finally come out of the fog those feelings came with her. When she actually admitted to how wrong the A was, acknowldeged the deep pain and hurt she inflicted on me and my S I then forgave her again ... this time I would say it was a 70% true forgiveness, but that other 30% is still right here sitting next to me. This I must deal with, careful not to use it as a trump card in every discussion/argument. "Cali you forgot the trash" ... "W, well you cheated on me" So you need to really get to a place where you forgive for you .... do what you want with the left overs but do not let this hurt own you.
That being said ... your W still seems wayward to me, sure she may be playing nice, possibly has the A underground and cake eating. She did what she felt was required of her for your birthday. But she has yet to wake up and admit the A, that its over, that it was wrong ... and that she will do what it takes to save the M.
I am of firm belief until the WAS fears the will lose the LBS there will be no change, maybe the A ran its course but there is no reason for them to commit to the M as ... well .. there is really no consequence for their actions. This is a risky move as quite possibly the WAS is done, waiting for the LBS to pull that trigger for them .... the thought is the LBS becomes strong enough to get to a point where they are good with or without the WAS and its not an act. That's what happened to me, granted when I arrived to that point it took W about 4 months to have the nerve to sever the A and tell me she wanted to 'commit' to the M , another 3 months honestly before I actually seen this by her actions. (0% of what they say ...50% of what they do)
Reading your sitch I do think you would benefit from DBing more, and feeding cake less ... she has yet to face the music and by you allowing the cake eat fest you are basically not addressing the elephant in the room ... IMHO
