Heading toward affair- what to do?

[Train]

I'm certainly not suggesting that you seek "companionship" elsewhere if that - in any way - sounds like I'm encouraging you to do the same thing that your H has done to you. In fact, I'd probably advise anyone in this situation - because of the vulnerability-factor - to steer wayyyyy clear of people of the opposite sex.

But companionship with a group of friends? Heck yeah.

Get out and GAL, sometimes with kids and sometimes without. Do fun things. Do some things you've never done before. Reach and stretch and experiment. Use this time as an opportunity to do things you didn't feel you could do before, when you were "tied down" in a marriage. Develop a new hobby. Join the gym. Hike. Take the kids to a splash pad or water slides. Go camping. Where's your happy place? Go there.

So see? This isn't about "doing what H told you to do" or about "avoiding him." This isn't about your H or how he will react one way or the other. GAL is about finding YOU again. It's about regaining clarity. Finding your center during an otherwise unbearable situation. Learning that you are okay and that you will BE okay. Learning to breathe in life again and actually enjoy it when you would otherwise be sulking at home or spinning your wheels over your H's wacky behavior right now.

In front of H, be light. Be breezy. Wear a smile. Be mysterious. Don't give him any more information than he needs. Let him go on about his life, making the decisions he's going to make *no matter what you do*. And you go on and live your life, knowing there's *nothing you can do* to make him change his mind right now.

I'm asking you to do the opposite of probably what you're telling yourself you "should" do. I get that. It feels counterintuitive. I get that, too. Do it anyway. It's the best thing you can do for yourself. And your M might eventually benefit, too.