Lost & confused

[Clairee]

I was doing some reading last night & came across an article about male depression. Could this really be what I'm dealing with? H is military. In Oct 2012, he had a stroke or they think he had a stroke at least, no solid evidence of it but they couldn't find anything else it could be. Because of this, he couldn't continue his job & was put on medical light duty. Until Nov 2014, he has had no real job or purpose at work. During this time, he spent a lot of time diving & working part time for a dive shop. It seemed to help keep his spirits up & he was enjoying it. In Oct 2014, they finally gave him new orders for schools & a new job. He left Nov for California.

H hooked up with old friends of ours & was doing ok. I visited right after Thanksgiving & while not a perfect visit, it was good. We were arguing over this girl he was texting. Nothing intimate or wrong in their conversations, but the quantity bothered me. H wanted me to meet her so I could get to know her & know it was just somebody to talk to to fill the empty hours. I did. She was cold as ice to me. Wouldn't look at me, wouldn't speak if I was around, etc. After H apologized for being so wrong about her intentions. He ended it without any hesitation. H graduated the 1st school & immediately started the next. This one was hard for him. He was struggling with the class work & becoming more & more angry, withdrawn & distant. I encouraged him to hang out with our friends in LA more on the weekends to relax & recharge. H was still really in a funk. He said many times he hated being there, missed me so much it physically hurt & if there was a way he could get out of this & not lose his retirement he'd do it in a heartbeat. He talked about being alone & lonely, talked about he couldn't sleep at night in this cramped little bed without me. That me needed me & didn't work without me. I tried to be as encouraging, supportive & uplifting as possible over phone calls.

Then February, you know what happened. After the reveal, H showed real remorse & said over & over he couldn't live without me. His reasons were loneliness & missing physical contact with me. Then he added all the negative about our M & me. We start to work through it. H is in IC. I'm in IC. We're trying. I visit in May. Things are rough at first. This was the 1st time we've seen each other since BD. We talk, things are settled & moving forward. A week later he starts getting messages from OW2. IMO, she's a predator. She saw us together & even commented how happy we looked & how lucky I was. She's miserable in her relationship & her BF cheats constantly. Next thing I know, this has gone from kinda friendly to ily's. H comes home just 4 weeks later. H says he didn't believe I would change, he still wasn't home & he was just having some fun. H has a new male friend who is in the middle of a divorce & is partying, loving being 'free' & all that. Tells H divorce ain't bad, it's freeing & he's never been happier. Cue H saying he would be ok if we divorced & he'd find happiness with someone else if it happened but he's not afraid of divorce anymore.

Now he's home. There's no contact with OW2 or divorcing friend. He's much more relaxed, sleeping every night, eating right & doing things he enjoys. H starts a temp job. He's really enjoying it. He likes the people & is excited about what he's going to be doing.

Over this last weekend, H hooks up with an old friend he hadn't talked to in a long time. I talk to him, but H hasn't. Friend is going through divorce. Friend is miserable. He hates everything abou divorce, even though he's the one who filed. Tells H it's hard, it hurts & he feels he failed. He's doing whatever he can to keep busy & not think about it but when they have to meet for mediation, he hurts & is lonely.

Now H is being very affectionate, present & loving with me. H talks about our future together daily. H talks about the kids going off to college & it just being us & how he looks forward to growing old with me. H is back to saying he needs me, wants me & doesn't work without me. H leaves yesterday for a couple of days at sea for work. H says he's going to miss me & loves me. Later that day, H texts he misses me already, loves me, can't wait to get home. He's out of contact due to where they are until tomorrow.

So was it depression that led to all this? Add new divorcing friend & predatory OW? Should I talk to H about this? Should I bring it up in MC? Advice, thoughts?