I hit my new thread point today, too... You haven't said anything, though!
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
What else is there to say? My focus today is on kids and giving them a carefree day. Today it was spent by the pool! They are very happy to spend all day at the pool!!
I read the email you posted. I too thought that about the AP until I realized my w was not under a spell, nor had she been hoodwinked or captured. She willingly chose to act and behave in ways that broke our family and marriage.
For me personally I chose to stop my focus on her. My W made her choices and acted on them many many many times. It is on her. The AP is not the cause for my situation. I finally chose to do what you are doing now and pray for her.
It took me a long time to realize that. So you are ahead of me!
"Ahead" might be a pretty strong word! You have a whole lot more experience than I do.
I am PISSED at the OW, especially now that I see how she manipulated and calculated this whole thing from the very beginning. But I'm also PISSED at my W, who should have loved me and been committed enough to never let this happen. Still, I know she was under a lot of duress, comes from a culture far from here, and thus was perhaps a bit more vulnerable to the influence of others than someone else might have been. MLC, Albanian style. While I'm more pissed at her than anyone, she also happens to be the one I love. So I just need to pray and stay the course. It's only been two months. ONLY two months...
But you? Your PMA is in a really good place right now, and I'm going to pray it stays that way!
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
No I don't have more experience than you or anyone here. I am just another person in the same boat that we are all in. All of this stinks and it's beyond our control. There is nothing we can do but just accept and let go. It is just a part of the circle of life. It's painful, humiliating, baffling and just plain horrible but it's reality for so many of us.
I am so sorry that you are in the mess and that you are in such pain. I so wish I could wave a magic wand to make all of this pain go away, but life just doesn't work out that way.
You sound like an amazing person and mother. Your w is gone, your marriage was over at bomb drop as was mine. There is no crystal ball to see how it all turns out. I hope your W realizes what a dope she is being but this is not about her but about YOU! You are what matters here - not her.
I really really hope this works out for you how you want it too but if it doesn't - you still have YOU and a fulfilling life ahead. For you and your boys and the wonderful life you have ahead of you!!
Still having a good time, ready to come back home, focus on the job, career, hand off the kids etc... Just ready to engage with my life again.
Out of no where a huge wave a fear and paic hit me. I was just out doing normal touristy stuff and boom. There was no trigger or anything out of the norm, just hit me. I had to take a minute, washed some cool water over my face and just got over it.
It is such a strange feeling knowing that the one you pledged undying love to and with is now actively trying to hurt me - not in the literal sense but in a figurative sense. My biggest mistake was putting all of my eggs into one basket. I told her all of my "secrets" which she now uses against me. Sigh.
My W was my best friend, my partner in crime, my confidant, my kids other Mom and all of the above. Now I am alone and having to rebuild my support structures. Its a scary feeling and overwhelming at times, but I will get to the other side.
Found a couple of books in the a used book store that are very helpful. The best was the classic Norman Vincent Peale " Stay Alive All of Your Life". It tells of how important it is to remain encouraged, enthusiastic and how to be resiliant in times of trouble and strife. It's a really good read. Yes, I know some of you will say it's hokey, but it helped me feel more positive about myself and the direction my life was going.
No word from lawyers and W only texts with "Can I talk to kids". I say "Sure, will XX time work for you? I want to give her as much "control" as possible as that is her frequent refrain "You call all the shots".
Still having a good time, ready to come back home, focus on the job, career, hand off the kids etc... Just ready to engage with my life again.
Out of no where a huge wave a fear and paic hit me. I was just out doing normal touristy stuff and boom. There was no trigger or anything out of the norm, just hit me. I had to take a minute, washed some cool water over my face and just got over it.
It is such a strange feeling knowing that the one you pledged undying love to and with is now actively trying to hurt me - not in the literal sense but in a figurative sense. My biggest mistake was putting all of my eggs into one basket. I told her all of my "secrets" which she now uses against me. Sigh.
My W was my best friend, my partner in crime, my confidant, my kids other Mom and all of the above. Now I am alone and having to rebuild my support structures. Its a scary feeling and overwhelming at times, but I will get to the other side.
Found a couple of books in the a used book store that are very helpful. The best was the classic Norman Vincent Peale " Stay Alive All of Your Life". It tells of how important it is to remain encouraged, enthusiastic and how to be resiliant in times of trouble and strife. It's a really good read. Yes, I know some of you will say it's hokey, but it helped me feel more positive about myself and the direction my life was going.
No word from lawyers and W only texts with "Can I talk to kids". I say "Sure, will XX time work for you? I want to give her as much "control" as possible as that is her frequent refrain "You call all the shots".
Just got off the phone with W and asked if she would like me to drop off the kids on when we return home - a day early. She agreed and we discussed logistics of the drop off. She asked if she could get groceries for the house so we wouldn't have to make another stop. I said, "Thanks, but I think we are OK on the groceries". She said "You must be exhausted." I said "we've had a lot of fun."
She later sent me a text saying "Thank you and I know the kids had a blast." I replied via text "Great, The kids will be very happy to see you."
That is the most communication we have had in two weeks.
You are doing well my friend. Keep it up, I know it's hard but you are getting through it. Went through the same thing a month ago or so when I had to take a trip for work. I sat on a pier watching a ship come through the channel on Lake Superior. I started whistling "Sitting on the dock of the bay" and then I freaked out a little. Because I knew my WW would be doing the same thing next to me. It [censored] losing your best friend, but it gets better.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
Yes - I will get through it. One day at a time and I will wish me w the best. In my heart I know I have done everything I could have. Bottom line is I want her to be happy, I want my kids to be happy and I want to be able to heal. So I am at peace and will do whatever to takes to reach the other side. Maybe it's all the items that are not decided that cause me anxiety. I am praying that in a year from now I will be in a better place with myself and with this horrible situation. I will do my best to be gracious and forgiving of both her and myself. Ultimately what else is there in this life but forgiveness.
I have forgiven her and now work to forgive myself.
Thank you DB board - especially caliguy and Wonka, Bob, Diff and scores of others who have made the painful journey with me. I am eternally grateful and hope to be able to pass it forward.
A quick stop by to say "Hello!' I think you are doing well. Hang in there.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
