Heading toward affair- what to do?

[hopeOK]

I really feel like he has me where he wants me... He is able to go back to his private ways, have a relationship w/ this other woman (I think friends now but he probably hopes to work his way back in), & keep the family unit in tact. And he has me in a position of me screwing up... So he feels like he can do whatever he wants.

I am a stay at home mom ... So this makes it easier for him to depend on my staying put.

As a SAHM myself, I can tell you, hope, that this is a self-created prison.

You're trying to jump into your H's mind and figure out what he's thinking and feeling. And at the end of the day, what he's thinking and feeling really doesn't matter much.

But this is precisely where I'd start trying to do some 180s.

If you feel trapped, like your H has you where he wants you, what would be a 180?

Here's a good one: Plan a girls' night with some friends. Make sure you have a babysitter lined up. Ask H first if he can be available to watch the kids. If he asks you where you're going, smile and say, "Just out with some friends." Never offer more information than that.

Dress in a new outfit. Wear a new perfume. Look drop-dead gorgeous. Be confident. If H asks you when you'll be home, simply tell him not to wait up.

You may feel this will backfire. And it may seem like it does at first because he's probably going to pull out all the stops to "retaliate" or to regain what he perceives as "control" of the situation.

Don't go out of your way to make your H think you're having an A - or anything of that nature - just show him you are going to continue living your life ... and enjoying it ... no matter what he does.

As Starsky says: People - especially men - value most that which is difficult to obtain.

Take your own power back. Because THAT is attractive.

So he already thinks I had an affair in the past (& nothing I can say can convince him otherwise... Even after our marriage counseling, he still thinks this). He is very insecure & I was a withdrawer... So I went to book club & stayed out late with friends. I took a lot of opportunities to get out of the house to escape my critical husband. This all came out in our counseling. So should I jump back into that?