On one hand she tells me she wants to leave and the very next sentence is telling my how she wants to be better a mom/wife. It starts to hurt my head when I try to analyze it.
Have you read Sandi's threads for husbands of wayward wives? There is nothing in your wife's behavior that is at all confusing when you view it in the context of WAYWARDNESS ("wayward" meaning she's either with an OM, or is actively trying to pursue one, and has no interest in working on the marriage with you right now).
You'll drive yourself nuts if you want to make sense of it from YOUR perspective, or even from the perspective of what your wife USED to be like. But if you're the type that likes to analyze and understand things (I am!), then just read up on affairs and you'll see that your wife's behavior is very much "script."
YOU are "Plan B," in case OM1 or OM2 don't work out. THAT is why she's being nice to you, to keep you on the side as a fallback option, and also to relieve her own guilt.
