Sad, you seem to be very passive-aggressive. You either supplicate your wife, giving her everything she wants and apologizing to her even when you've done nothing wrong, or you confront her with unproven allegations and get so angry that you're puking??
Whoa. You need to get a grip (have you talked to your dr. about getting on a good everyday anti-anxiety/anti-depressant? They were a huge help to me in my sitch, and will "even you out.")
DBing is all about plowing that MIDDLE ground, between angry accusations and doormat behavior. You are careening wildly from one extreme to another, and seem to be flying without a plan still. EXECUTING a plan is difficult enough, but to be this far along and not even HAVE one is troubling to me.
btw, do you have proof that your wife was with married female friends in Chicago? She is acting extremely wayward, and I suspect she's either with a OM or is actively pursuing one.
