Still having a good time, ready to come back home, focus on the job, career, hand off the kids etc... Just ready to engage with my life again.
Out of no where a huge wave a fear and paic hit me. I was just out doing normal touristy stuff and boom. There was no trigger or anything out of the norm, just hit me. I had to take a minute, washed some cool water over my face and just got over it.
It is such a strange feeling knowing that the one you pledged undying love to and with is now actively trying to hurt me - not in the literal sense but in a figurative sense. My biggest mistake was putting all of my eggs into one basket. I told her all of my "secrets" which she now uses against me. Sigh.
My W was my best friend, my partner in crime, my confidant, my kids other Mom and all of the above. Now I am alone and having to rebuild my support structures. Its a scary feeling and overwhelming at times, but I will get to the other side.
Found a couple of books in the a used book store that are very helpful. The best was the classic Norman Vincent Peale " Stay Alive All of Your Life". It tells of how important it is to remain encouraged, enthusiastic and how to be resiliant in times of trouble and strife. It's a really good read. Yes, I know some of you will say it's hokey, but it helped me feel more positive about myself and the direction my life was going.
No word from lawyers and W only texts with "Can I talk to kids". I say "Sure, will XX time work for you? I want to give her as much "control" as possible as that is her frequent refrain "You call all the shots".
Just got off the phone with W and asked if she would like me to drop off the kids on when we return home - a day early. She agreed and we discussed logistics of the drop off. She asked if she could get groceries for the house so we wouldn't have to make another stop. I said, "Thanks, but I think we are OK on the groceries". She said "You must be exhausted." I said "we've had a lot of fun."
She later sent me a text saying "Thank you and I know the kids had a blast." I replied via text "Great, The kids will be very happy to see you."
That is the most communication we have had in two weeks.
